Tuesday 4 January 2011

Why Did I Start This Blog?

So what first prompted me to start this blog?? That's an easy one, I decided to start blogging when I lost my son. But it wasn't as simple as that really.

I was a total stranger to the blogging world. I knew about celebrity blogs like PerezHilton.com because I am a sucker for any kinds of celebrity news. I knew a couple of friends who had blogs, but mostly they were designed so that friends and family who lived far away could see what they were up to. I also had a friend who was setting up a blog to help promote a new business idea she had. But it never occurred that the blogging world was one for me.

One day I was having lunch with a new friend who as it turns out is in the publishing business. She was telling me about her job and the writers she works with. I was sharing my grief  with her. It was at that moment that she asked me this question.

"Do you write?" she asked. My answer, "Well I update my status on Facebook." She said, "You should start a blog about what you are going through, it would be really good for you to get your feelings out."

I was very hesitant at first. I've never been a diary kind of gal and the idea of writing about my innermost feelings and then releasing them for the internet to see is a pretty scary one. I had flashbacks to the 12 year old me when my little sister showed my diary to our babysitter who was two years older than me. In it I had written about a boy that I liked and this babysitter knew him. Total humiliation. So I told her no, I didn't want to write a blog because I was a very private person.

But the idea stuck. Maybe I should start a blog? Maybe getting my feelings out on paper (so to speak) would be good for me? Maybe it would help me heal? Maybe it would help me feel "normal" again.

The idea brewed in my head for about a week. It was the week before we we were flying home to see the family for the first time since losing our son. It should have been a happy trip, one where we were introducing our infant son to our family. Instead it was a trip home with his ashes. A trip to have his ashes blessed instead of having him baptized. It was going to be one of the hardest trips of my life.

And that's when I knew that I needed to write. Not for anyone else to read necessarily, but for me. I needed a release, I needed an outlet. I needed a blog. So I wrote this post about how hard it was to pack for this trip, the one that should have been for 3 people but was now just for 2.

And I haven't looked back since.

16 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear of your loss - I cannot imagine your pain. I'm encouraged to hear of your willingness to share. Think of all the other people suffering that you might be able to help by sharing your struggles!

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  2. Oh you poor thing, your sister showing your diary to your baby sitter. Ouch. I'm not surprised that experience might have put you off the whole diary / blogging thing.

    I also consider myself a private person and I didn't know what a blog was until my daughter died. I'm still rather surprised to find myself writing one, over two years later. But I think it has been cathartic for me as I don't get that many opportunities to discuss what happened in real life. I hope it helps you through this difficult, painful time. Your first post made me cry.

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  3. I am glad you've still writing and finding to cathartic; I too find it a release of all the mess of emotions. I found reading other BLM blogs helpful in the beginning; to see my emotions already written out for me - wonderful and it gave me focus. It took a little while for me to want and need to add my thoughts and feelings into the mix and I am glad I write my blog too, in relative privacy of my real-life.

    Love the new layout of your blog I must say!
    Much love to you

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  4. Good on you for taking such a giant leap... I hope it will continue to show you growth and a place to explore everything that you are dealing with.

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  5. Horrible of your sister to share you diary, but glad you decided to share yourself with all of us none the less. Much love!

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  6. Hi, it's an odd thing to do really isn't it? I still have moments of panic after I hit publish, but the support of other blogging babyloss parents has pulled me through these past 18 months, I'm so grateful for that.
    I hope you find that support too. x

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  7. I find your blog wonderful, but hard to read too, no one should have to go through this pain, but I am glad that you have found an outlet, and you are helping other people too.

    I love that you don't hide your grief, but you don't wallow in it either.

    Your new normal, perhaps, is closer than you think.

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  8. You gotta love little sisters right?? She and the babysitter got a good laugh over my "young love."

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  9. When I first started blogging I had a MySpace acct, to keep in touch w/ ppl (I had recently moved). I was in a horridly abusive relationship cycle… and I wanted to be free. I blogged out my abusive relationship because I felt like if I was being honest w/ the world I would HAVE to do something to change it. & here I am… You help more than yourself when you do this. ;-) & I commend you for doing so.

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  10. I too, am sorry for your loss, but so glad you've found something that helps

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  11. Thanks for sharing your heart. Looking forward to reading more about how you get to a 'new normal'. I understand what you mean about being a big rule follower. To move to the other end of the spectrum is breathtaking (I'm, thinking about it...still).

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  12. Such a difficult reason for starting a blog but I'm so glad you've found solace in it.

    Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.

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  13. I read this post when I first found you ... you move me with every post. Thank you for linking up for The Why I started my Blog meme ... you have such beautiful words to share.

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  14. Your writing has such inspiration! I loved hearing how you got started.

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  15. Heartbreaking. I hope you have found a community through blogging...there are, sadly, many who know what you went/go through. I hope blogging is a silver lining for you. Looking forward to reading more.

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  16. Thank you for sharing the story behind your blog. It is obvious your writing is a source of strength for you in the midst of tragedy.

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