Thursday, 13 August 2015

Happy 5th Birthday in Heaven

I can't believe it's been 5 years since we said hello and good bye to our beautiful little boy.

So much has changed since then. We have a new house and two beautiful living little girls. To look at us now you might never see all that we have been through. We have become one of those families who look just like any other family.

But of course we're not.

Five years on is much easier than one year on. At five years the edges of the pain have softened quite a bit. There are definitely still some hard days and sad moments, but they are fewer and farther in between.

It's fair to say that we have survived our tragedy. It's also fair to say that our marriage has survived our tragedy. Not all marriages survive the loss of a child so for that I am grateful.

For all of you out there who are still in the trenches. For all of you who are still in the fog of grief. For all of you I can honestly say that it won't always hurt this bad. It never goes away, but it does get better.

Sunday, 9 August 2015

Talking at School

Frostina started preschool in January. She goes 3 mornings a week, just enough time for her to have something that is hers and enough time for me to get some one on one time with Olea. At the end of the year (well half year really) I had a conference with her teacher to see how she was doing.

I was shocked to hear that she doesn't talk at school. My chatty, happy girl doesn't talk at school? I couldn't believe it and I was worried. Her teacher told me they thought she couldn't speak at all until they heard her talking to me. She said it's normal and not to worry.

So of course I worried.

I played games with her where she was asking her teachers questions. Each morning when we got to school I would have her tell me what color shirt her teachers were wearing. It worked a bit, I was told she would answer them yes or no and tell them when she needed the potty but nothing else.

So I worried some more.

I opted not to send her to summer session to give her a break and also to make time for swim lessons. I was hoping a break in the routine of not talking at school would help.

Last week was her first week back at school. On Friday I got a call from her new teacher. She is doing very well and seems comfortable in class. Some of the older girls in the class (it's Montessori) have taken her under their wing and are inviting her to play at recess. She asked if I had any questions.

Of course I only had one, was she talking at school.

The answer was yes! The teacher told me that Frostina is quiet, but she does speak in class and participates in the morning calendar which apparently is a time when all the children participate in a group lesson.

I am so relieved. I have no idea if the time away helped, or if being 3 helps, or if it's the new teacher. I am just so happy that she is feeling comfortable enough to not shut down.

Who knew these little people could cause so much worry.

Wednesday, 5 August 2015


I am confined and restricted.

I am being pushed through my day with no control over where I am going.

I struggle to be released from my shackles.

I cry and no one hears me.

Then finally, the straps that bind me are released.

And I am free.

I am free to run with the wind in my hair.

I am free to go where I please.

I am joyful and free.

Now if only Mommy would stop chasing me.