Thursday, 27 September 2012

Her First Cold

When you have a new baby you look forward to so many firsts. Her first smile, her first coo, her first steps. What you don't look forward to is the first time your little baby gets sick.

Well that's what happened this week. Our little Frostina got her first cold.

I know it's totally normal. I know all babies get sick. I know that I should expect between 8 and 10 colds a year. But it was still quite traumatic for me.

Of course it had to happen when The Hubby was away on business. Of course it had to happen at 11:30 on a Saturday night. Because it would have been way too convenient for it to start on  Tuesday afternoon when all the doctors offices are open and The Hubby was in town.

It started with a loud COUGH. I immediately rushed in thinking she was choking on something. That's when I noticed the snot,,,, and I knew exactly what it was.

The first night was rough. She wasn't sure what all this snot and coughing was all about. She was desperately tired and yet every time she was almost back asleep she would wake herself up with a cough. Then she would cry because she couldn't breathe or sleep.

My poor baby. Oh, and poor me who had to rock her in the chair from 3-5am until she was finally so exhausted that she was able to sleep through the coughs.

She's on the mend now. Still snotty and coughing, but sleeping much better. She still isn't eating as much because I'm sure it's hard to suck down a bottle when your nose is full of snot. But she's going to be OK.

Now if only I can recover in time for the next one!

Thursday, 20 September 2012

She Looks Just Like Her Daddy

That's what everyone tells me.

And they're right, she does look exactly like him. Like him in a way I didn't think was possible. I say this because I've always been one of those people who think too much is put into who the baby looks like. I've always said that babies look like babies. They look like each other. Or that they look like whoever is holding them.

Then my daughter arrived looking exactly like her father. So there goes my theory out the window.

I don't mind the comments, really I don't. People who tell me she looks just like him. Because she does.

There's just this one small thing..... she doesn't look at all like me.... and she won't... because we used an egg donor.

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it during my normal day. After all, I carried her for 37 weeks and gave birth to her just like every other mother. She is my daughter. I know this in my heart and in my soul.

But when someone says to me, "I hate to say this but I don't see any of you in her, I only see her Daddy," or, "That's not your face I see, it's got to be her Father's," it feels like a tiny stab in my heart. These people with their innocent comments. Well meaning, and quite accurate in their assessment that she looks nothing like me.

They are right, and for some reason that bothers me.

I guess I was hoping that by some twist of fate she would look more like me. A physical manifestation of the love and intense connection I feel for her. Not because it changes how I feel about her,,,, it doesn't. But I was just hoping that she would and when people would tell me she looked like me I could smile and thank them with a knowing twinkle in my eye.

It bothers me that this bothers me. After all, she's my miracle rainbow baby and I'm so blessed to have her. I guess this is just something I'm going to have to get over.

linking up with Shell

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Bad Blogger

I've been a bad blogger. It's not because I have nothing to say, it's just because I'm having trouble finding the time to write. The Hubby travels a lot for work so I'm on my own with Frostina a lot. When she finally does go to bed I'm so tired it's hard to string my thoughts together. So I apologize for not writing and for not commenting on your blogs. I am reading them and following your stories.

Here's a few quick updates on me.
  • I haven't seen my therapist again yet because she's been away, but I'm feeling much better and much less anxious.
  • Frostina's colic seems to be going away,,, slowly,, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
  • In addition to colic it appears she has reflux. We have just started treating this with a new dairy free formula (which is SUPER expensive) and baby antacid. Just made the switch yesterday so we will see how it goes.
  • Frostina still hates to nap, but I'm hoping the reflux meds will help with that.
Lots more to say, but no time for now. Again, I apologize and hope to be able to get better at writing here once I can get Frostina on some sort of schedule.