Monday, 16 June 2014

The Longest Move Ever

We are officially in our new home.

It's been a long and painful process.

One international move followed by 2 months living in a temp apartment. Then a second move into this beautiful house. It really is a beautiful house, though at the moment it's a total wreck.

The move had it's hitches of course. There were the painters who took longer than promised so they were there on move in day,,,, that's always fun. There were the world's laziest movers who didn't want to have to put our beds together. They even went to far as to complain they didn't have tools.... so after hubby went off on them they drove to Home Depot to get some. Beds got put together but I'm still turning around all the knobs and have a small TV stand to assemble. All this with a full service move?

There was the satellite TV installer who came just before the rainstorm on Friday afternoon so we have no TV. Not a huge problem since we have so much unpacking to do but still a hitch. Oh, and the internet isn't working either. No idea why because usually self-install is a breeze. This time though I had to call repair and they couldn't set it up remotely either so a tech should be on the way today to fix it. Ah, the joys of moving.

Oh, and there's the whole, "I'm 34 weeks pregnant" thing which means I'm pretty much useless when it comes to helping like I want to. Though that didn't stop me from putting the drawers and shelves back into the huge Ikea wardrobes that the movers refused to do. The Hubby was  not pleased with me for doing that one, but he's not exactly handy so if I didn't do it it wouldn't' get done.

I am doing my best to help unpack boxes but it's not easy when bending down to the ground and getting back up again is such a struggle. I'm sore and tired and have to work in short bursts before stopping to take breaks. As a result, the  majority of the work falls to The Hubby and I am feeling very very guilty. He is tired and sore and there is still lots left to do.

Have I mentioned that we are not done with this move just yet? Oh no.

You see, once upon a time we lived in California in a house. That house had lots of stuff in it. Too much stuff to take to London with us. That stuff has been sitting in storage for the past 8 and a half years. That stuff is on it's way to Florida and will arrive on Wednesday. So we get to do this whole lovely process all over again. Lovely.

Frostina is in heaven though. It's like Christmas morning for her. Every box I unpack that has her stuff is greeted with oohs and aahhs. She was so happy when she saw her bed she wanted to get in it immediately. In fact, this was the first time ever that she spent the night in a new place in her own bed. Normally it takes a couple of days sleeping with us for her to adjust to a new room.

I am so ready to be settled in, this move feels like it's taking forever..... and I have a baby due in a few weeks. Yikes!

Thursday, 5 June 2014

A Heartbreaking Choice- What If It Were You?

I read an amazing post over at Still Standing today. It was written by Tova Gold a fellow Baby Loss Mom. The subject is one that for some reason isn't talked about as much in the loss community; the termination of a pregnancy for medical reasons. It was a moving insight into the experience of hearing that your baby has a condition that won't be compatible with life and the choices you are forced to make in the aftermath.

What touched me the most was that there were photos and names of 80 women (and their babies) who have found themselves in the same situation as Tova. This piece was written from the heart and is so well done that I won't try and recap it here. You can click the link above to read it for yourself.

When I finished the article I was moved almost to tears. Then I started reading the comments and my blood began to boil. What I saw mixed in with the words of condolence and support was so ugly I couldn't believe it. Were people actually attacking these women for the situation they found themselves in? Were people actually going to criticize and judge women who have lost their children? Much to my dismay they were and I found the whole thing very unsettling.

In my mind, the only difference between what these women went through and what I did was that they had advanced notice. I didn't know anything was wrong until it was too late. They knew in advance that their baby would die and were faced with an impossible decision. Do you terminate now? Or do you carry to term knowing that your baby will either not make it or will die at or shortly after birth? That's not a choice I would want to have to make.

But these women found themselves faced with this very dilemma. A heartbreaking choice needed to be made. To go about something like this you may rely on your faith or you may go based purely on your emotions. There are many layers and dimensions to either choice. I would imagine that many hours of reflection and tears have been poured into each and every decision. Neither path leads to a happy ending.

I liken it to that game where you choose between two horrible things and say which one you would want. Like would you want to chop your arm off or let it fall of by itself? Is there really a good option? Of course not. Either way you lose your arm and neither way sounds particularly pleasant.

Somehow, not unsurprisingly, matters like this get tied to the pro-choice/pro-life debate. I am not here to debate that issue but I will say this; there is no life at the end of this decision. In the end you get a dead baby, period! It's just a matter of how it happens.

So to read comments where people are condemning women for choosing to terminate a pregnancy where there is no chance of a living baby makes me sick to my stomach. Who are these people to tell someone that they should carry a pregnancy to term that they know is doomed? For that matter, who are these people to tell women who choose to carry to term that they are being foolish or causing their babies undue suffering?

Who are these people to not offer these women the same sympathy that people who suffer a stillbirth or neonatal death get? Just because we didn't know ahead of time doesn't make our loss any more worthy of condolence. Just because these women did know doesn't mean they deserve to be judged on the decision they made. It's not like they wanted to have to make it.

So for all of you who sit in judgement I challenge you. Put yourself in their shoes. I mean it. Really allow yourselves to go there. To go to that horrible place where you have just been told that your unborn child has no chance of viability outside the womb. Put yourself in that mindset and then tell me what you would do. Then tell me how it would feel to have people judge you for it.