Monday 29 August 2011

When Wearing Underwear Over Your Clothes Isn't Funny.

Picture this, you see an elderly man walking down the road. He is carrying a bag from a supermarket containing ice cream. He is wearing trousers, his pajama top, and his underwear,,,, over the top of his trousers. Sounds like a really funny story right? A grown man walking around with his underwear over his clothes. If you heard this story about a stranger you would probably laugh out loud.

Except for us, it's not funny at all.

This man is my father in law. He suffers from dementia.

The hubby got the call last night from his brother telling him the news. Apparently my mother in law noticed that he had left the house. She had no idea where he was. The fact that he was out was not unusual because he loves to walk and wander around town. He takes "walks" just about every day. But this time was different because she had not heard him leave the house. He was gone for a long time and she was getting worried about him.

I can only imagine her shock when he finally returned home happy as can be with his newly purchased ice cream.
  • Part of her I am sure was relieved that he was OK. 
  • Part of her I am sure was horrified that he had been walking around in such a state. 
  • Part of her must be wondering what the people working at the store where he bought his ice cream must have thought about an 84 year old man wearing his pajama top and underwear over his clothes walking around their shop. *I wonder about this part myself. 

My heart is breaking today for the hubby. This is not the kind of news you want to get about your father. Especially when you live on a different continent and can't just pop over to see him. It's been a couple years since he was able to hold a conversation over the phone so the hubby can't even call him. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him.

We all know in theory how dementia goes. But to see this happening to a parent is not theoretical. It's real, and it's happening, and it's not going to get better. It's only going to get worse.

I only wish there was something I could do to help.

*Pouring my heart out with Shell.  

18 comments:

  1. this is so very sad, I am very sorry you, your husband, and his family. sending lots of love to all of you...

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  2. So sorry. A warm hug to you and your hubby.

    One of the things I have learnt along the way is to not laugh at people who are not doing things 'normally'. I hope your FIL was looked upon kindly by the people who encountered him that day, atleast most of them.

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  3. Oh gosh.... I will them in our prayers. I suppose, at least, it is good that was he happy.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be sending your family lots of prayers and love.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. It's so frustrating to not be able to do anything, and especially to witness our husbands hurting and sad. Sending prayers your way.

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  6. So sorry to hear. Sending you much love. Must be so hard to be away when you get news like this.
    xo

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  7. So sorry to hear this.. I can only imagine what this must be like for your husband. So much stress, one layer on top of another. I'm thinking of y'all and sending my thoughts your way.

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  8. It is indeed distressing news to learn. My MIL suffers from it, and it is hard on my husband, all of us. Yet we do take solace in the knowledge that she isn't aware of it; she is pleasant, indeed happy, and her recognition of others fades in and out. I would venture that no one who saw your FIL like that laughed at him. Perhaps someone even spoke with him and tried to help. Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Take care

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  9. My Grandma used to do stuff like this... she lived in a small town in VA & ppl would always call my Uncle to tell him that my Grandma was walking around town. Again. She'd go grocery shopping w/ no money, or go to the bank & they'd actually allow her to withdraw ALL of her life savings. Pretty scary. She ended up in a Nursing Home where she was safe.

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  10. I didn't laugh or even smile. It's a cruel disease. My heart goes out to you both

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  11. I'm so sorry. My mom went through this with her dad several years back. Not an easy thing.

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  12. Sending so many good thoughts to you and yours- being far away from loved ones can feel so helpless.

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  13. I am so sorry. I used to work with individuals suffering early stages of dementia, and it is heartbreaking. Best wishes for your family. I am glad your FIL is back home and safe.

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  14. I can relate to how dementia strikes and doesn't let go of it's grip. My grandmother is suffering and each time I spend with her it's apparent just how much she is getting worse... and there's nothing anyone can do. I'd like to say "hang in there" but I know those words don't help much. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  15. If I saw an elderly man walking down the street wearing his underwear over his pants, I wouldn't think it was funny at all, under any circumstances. I would automatically assume that he suffered from dementia and would try to help him to make sure he wasn't lost or confused.

    Aside from losing my own child, the reality that I will someday lose my parents is my biggest fear. They're both in their early 60's and lead happy, active, and mentally sound lives. But my dad has health problems, and the notion of either of them one day declining in mental health terrifies me. So, I am very sorry that you and your husband are experiencing this reality, and from so far away too. My heart just breaks for your husband.

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  16. I have a real soft spot for seniors, always have. I cannot imagine how it feels when it is your own father.

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  17. Oh I'm so sorry. Most of my great grandparents suffered from this as well. It's so heartbreaking and scary. Prayers to you and your family.

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  18. I have no words. Watching my mom struggle with my grandfather - I understand. It is not easy to deal with when you are away or right there with them. Sending lots of prayers and love to you and your family.

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