The One Where I End A Friendship?

Life as an expat has isn't always easy. You move far away from family and friends. You have to learn a new culture and in some cases a new language. You are desperate for any connection to home. As a result, in most countries, the expat community is a very close knit one. Bonds are formed fast and quick.

Oh, you're from my country?? Oh, you like drinking wine? Oh, you are free for lunch on Tuesday?? All these things can be the basis for the beginning of a friendship. Expats are like college freshmen, searching for new connections far from home. We cling to each other like long lost family members. Any connection, no matter how slim, warrants invitations and hopes for the future.

We are all lost souls looking for connection, and we cling to each other. We form friends in fast-forward. Skipping the normal getting to know you process and vetting by other friends. After all, most of us have no other local friends. We need each other in a way that no one else can understand unless they have been a foreigner in a strange land.

As a result an acquaintance can quickly rise up the ranks to become your BFF. You form an intense intimacy that doesn't exist in many places beyond college and summer camp.

At first it feels great. You are welcomed to your new community with gusto. You get invited to parties and lunches. You feel like people want to get to know you. You form fast connections and feel much less homesick.

But what happens after the flush of new friendship wears off? What happens when you really get to know your new friends? What if you decide that you don't really like them after all? What do you do then?

That my friends in bloggyland is the dilemma I am currently facing. I have been an expat for almost 6 years now and have seen many new friends come and go. I am familiar with the idea that as an expat you are constantly making new friends to replace the ones who move away. But in all my years I've not been in the situation I find myself in now.

How do I extricate myself from a friendship that I no longer want to be in? I recently told you all about this person. Probably not everything, but if you read my previous post you will get an idea of what I'm talking about.

I made friends with this person shortly after finding out I was pregnant with my son. She was there through it all, and now she has let me down. Not just in the ways I've written about, but in other ways as well. Not being kind to people I consider friends. Not being the kind of person I thought she was.

I don't think I want to be friends with her anymore. But it's complicated by the fact that we're part of a very small community. A community that talks and gossips.

I hate drama. The last thing I need is for her to go around telling people that I cut her off because I couldn't handle that she was pregnant. That has nothing to do with it. Sure, the timing is bad,,,,, but the truth is that this was coming long before she shared her news with me. But to end the friendship now, I just know she would think it was due to her pregnancy.

I know, I know,,,, you will tell me that I should have an honest conversation with her and tell her how I feel. Trust me, if I thought that she would listen or be even the slightest bit receptive I would give it a shot. But I know her... she's very defensive and does not respond well to criticism.

In no time flat my feelings would get twisted in a way to make her the victim and me the crazy lady whose baby died and can't be happy for anyone else. This is not what I want. So I've got some decisions to make.

How to extricate myself without causing unnecessary drama?? Is that even possible?? Ugh,,,, It's too much to even think about right now. 

Thanks for listening.