Wednesday 29 June 2011

Are We Ready For This?

Tomorrow is the big day. I start my first lupron injection and my donor egg cycle is officially a go. It's exciting and scary and a bunch of other things too. And it's happening,,,,, now. Not some day in the future,,,,, but now. It's not just a concept anymore, it's a reality. Last night before falling asleep I found myself wondering if we're ready for all of this?


On the one hand I can't wait to get started. On the other hand I know this means we're diving head first into uncharted territory.

Putting ourselves back out there. 
To that scary place where we will be vulnerable again. 
Where we cannot protect ourselves from failure, or success,,, or another loss. 

  • Are we ready for all of this? Who knows. 
  • Is there ever going to be a day when our feelings won't be so raw and vulnerable? Probably not. 
  • Are we in a place where we could handle another pregnancy??  I hope so. 
  • Are we in a place where we could handle another pregnancy loss? I have no idea. 

All I know is that we want more than anything to have a living, breathing, take-home baby.
  • One who we can watch grow up and that can smile cheekily in family photos. 
  • One who is noisy, and messy, and demanding of our time. 
  • One who makes a huge wail when he or she is born. 
  • One who's eyes we get to see looking up at us. 
  • One who's hair will grow long enough that we know what color it is. 
  • A baby who can be a living part of our family, not just a memory. 
  • We want a baby we can hold in our arms and not just in our hearts.

All I know is that in order to have our take home baby we have to put ourselves out there.

At risk. 
Where the very best things can happen. 
Where the very worst things can happen. 

Are we ready for all of this? I suppose we're as ready as we'll ever be. We are cautiously optimistic and praying for a positive outcome. In the end I guess that's the best that we can be right now.

23 comments:

  1. Congrats on taking that big step. I am 8 weeks pregnant with my rainbow and I am a mess at times due to worry, but I can't change what will happen and it is absolutely worth the RISK. I look at every little milestone and celebrate it like I never did with my angel. I am constantly saying to myself I WILL BRING HOME A HAPPY HEALTHY BABY!!! Good luck to you on this next journey!!!

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  2. I am starting to believe that we are as ready as we can be, but never ready enough. I am excited for you and completely understand...we are getting ready for a FET cycle in August. I wish nothing but positive for you!!!

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  3. You are so ready. Can't wait to watch you embark on this journey. We're all here with you.
    xo

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  4. Yes, you are ready. Run with it! x

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  5. I wish you the very best. Thank you for sharing this journey. It hits closer to my heart than I can say. I can completely relate to this post, although not in the same way you do.

    I'm stopping by form Shell's pour your heart out.

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  6. I hope and pray that this works out for you. One of my best friends just went through a tremendous amount of treatments to get pregnant, and she's happy and healthy and due in November... I hope that you'll receive that same happiness :-)

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  7. I don't know much about the series of things you will have to go through to get pregnant but I will be praying for you every step of the way.

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  8. I don't think there is a time where we will ever feel totally ready because we know how harsh reality can be, but we take the chance anyways because even the chance of a live take home baby is worth the risk. We are as ready as we ever will be!

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  9. Well from what I've read on this blog you sound ready to me. This journey you are about to embark on will no doubt be tough. There will be highs and lows, laughter and tears but ultimately when you do get your take home baby it will all be absolutely worth it. Sending all my love and good luck wishes for you.

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  10. What a big day! So glad to be catching up on your blg. I'll be following along as you start this journey. Sending prayers from across the pond!

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  11. Thinking of you and sending you super positive vibes, well wishes, whatever you need to bring home that baby!

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  12. I wish and pray from the bottom of my heart that this time you have a baby to take home and keep with you forever.

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  13. What a beautiful post! I'll be sending you really positive thoughts throughout your donor cycle.

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  14. I am praying for you too! Praying that this will work and you will have that take home baby you are dreaming about.

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  15. Best of luck with your donor egg cycle. Look forward to following your journey.

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  16. Good luck to you both, I can't even begin to imagine.

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  17. I've just stumbled across your blog from FYBF and your story has just reached out and pulled on my heart so hard. Sending you lots of good luck vibes. xxx

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  18. Good Luck! I know I underestimated the emotional toll trying to fall pregnant (and succeeding four times only to loose three) would take on my husband and I. But it is worth it when you have your success. It's all worth it and more.
    Good Luck, hugs and the most positive vibes possible are being sent your way right now x

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  19. I wish you all the babydust in the world. I am following along and wishing, hoping and praying for you :)

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  20. Wonderful post, and just read yr last post with the letter from yr mother, also beautifully written. It seems u have found the strength to look to the future again...wishing u the best of luck for this cycle xx

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  21. Good luck! Like you said, you're as ready as you'll ever be.

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  22. I can't even imagine everything that is going through your mind right now. I wish y'all the best as you continue this journey.

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