I'm absolutely exhausted from the move. My body is tired and my brain is tired. I am achey and crampy and feeling just not quite right. My body wants me to stop but there's still so much to do that I can't.
I am tired of unpacking and deciding where to put what. I am tired of not being able to remember where I decided to put things. I am tired of not having a place for everything and everything in it's place. I'm tired of walking around in circles trying to figure out the best way to get from here to there.
The first week was a blur of movement and activity. Now all the big stuff is done and I'm left with all the small bits. In some ways this is more exhausting than the big stuff.
I've got to figure out what photos and pictures to hang where, and which ones to not hang. I've got to figure out how to make the office/work out room look like something besides a hodge podge of crap. I've got to figure out how to best organize the items in the kitchen and bathroom. I've got to figure out how to make this new place feel like home.
And I've run out of energy to do it. The first week I ran at a frantic pace, almost manic in nature. Now I've completely lost my motivation. But there's more to do and I know I won't feel settled until it's done. I hate feeling unsettled. Right now that's exactly how I'm feeling, unsettled and lonely.
Why lonely you ask? Well let me tell you. To make matters worse, I've been doing it all by myself. We have been in the new place for 8 days now and the hubby has only been home for 2 of those. He's been given a larger role at work and has had to do a bit more traveling abroad. I am super happy for him (and me since it involves a pay raise) and amazingly proud too. But the timing sucks. So I try not to complain too much because I know he already feels pretty guilty about the whole thing. Oh, and he will also have to be gone next week too. So after the weekend I'm stuck doing it all myself again.
It's a pretty big job for one person.
I am jealous of the hubby. Jealous that he has a wife that can take care of all these things while he focuses on work. It must be nice to have a wife. I find myself wondering where my wife is??? Who takes over when I'm feeling too tired and overwhelmed? When I let things fall through the cracks? I may have to follow the lead of I'm So Fancy and hire myself one.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
You're right, it IS a big job for one person, and I TOTALLY know how you feel. Being married to a hockey player, almost 50% of the moves we make end up being alone. While your husband (and his heavy lifting muscles) is long gone. 3 of our last 4 moves (in the past year and a half) have been done by me, and me alone (well, with a little help with the heavy lifting) and it is NO FUN. Especially since 2 of those times my hubby has been off in a new city/country experiencing new things and excitement without me, while I'm doing all the dirty work. But, I guess that's just the sacrifice we pay for our husband's jobs... isn't it :)
ReplyDeleteAnd definitely know what you mean about the little stuff being more difficult. I HATE the little stuff! We get rid of more and more with each move because there is just no place (or need) for it all! Take some time to yourself, relax, have a bubble bath and watch a chick flick or something. It will get done, in time :)
When D and I got married and moved into this apartment my parents helped us. But then it was D, my father, and my mother asking me "where does this go" "where does this go?" "where do you want this." It can get so you hate the sound of your own name!
ReplyDeleteOh I know about husbands who have "sudden and very important" out of town meetings during a move. :-) Yes, if I could, I would loan you my wife. xx Seriously you've had a lot on your plate and I'm sure there is a lot of emotion here too but isn't it a bit cleansing to go through your things and find them a new place? x
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're a bit like me when it comes to moving - I hate living with boxes and just want everything unpacked and organised straight away.
ReplyDeleteSuch a bummer you have to do it all by yourself though. I'd say focus on the positive and remember it means you can have free reign the with house and organise it just how YOU like it!!