Monday, 27 June 2011

An Amazing Letter From My Mother

We're getting ready to start our donor egg IVF cycle and I was talking with my parents about it over the weekend. They are hugely supportive of what we are doing because they know exactly what we are going through. You see, when I was 2 years old my Mother had a stillborn son. The cause was doctor error,, they pierced the umbilical cord during an amnio in the 8th month. She had no idea anything was wrong until the next appointment when they found no heartbeat. This was back in the 1970's when people weren't nearly as sensitive to these things. They told her to go home and wait for labor, which took almost two weeks to happen. In the meantime she had 2 year-old me to chase around and there was no hiding the bump. After my brother was born, they whisked him away and a priest came to visit and told her she was young and could have more babies. They never named him and don't know where exactly he is buried.

I am telling you this to give you some context to the amazing email that she wrote me after our conversation. In this amazing letter she is writing to me not just as my Mother, but as a fellow BLM. She doesn't know I blog so I'm sure she won't mind that I share it with all of you. I will post this as she sent it, except for a few minor edits to remove some names.

I found it very inspiring to hear the words of a fellow BLM who is over 30 years into her journey. She has amazing perspective and I hope her words can help comfort you as much as they comforted me.

Dearest  "My New Normal",
Today when we were talking, I realized the enormity of all you have been through. You have been through shock, loss, pain, grief, depression, and finally hope. You have also felt the love and support of your husband, family, friends, and fellow sisters who have lost their babies! Each of us has tried to give you our words, shoulders and most of all our healing love! You've found the words and poems that describe your own grief and feelings. 
I too sought the same things. The sharing of sadness, learning that what we think and feel is universal, creates a comforting connection between us and other women, and helps to validate what we personally think and feel. To heal it is absolutely necessary to understand exactly what we have been through, as we try to measure our progress toward recovery. 
I learned that I was forever changed, but also learned that while I had deep pain, I also had a strength I had not known I possessed. Like I've heard you say, I would never wish this upon anyone, but I do believe that the only way we get through such crushing loss, is with the nearness, and caring of our loved ones, and all who helped us were placed in our lives by God. People who were there when we needed them, said the words we needed to hear, were put there by God. Our friends are the hands of God here on earth.
I think I pondered the same things you have, and so for 2 years I waited for the magical moment when I'd feel completely healed and ready to try again. Then I realized that the next step would not be as I expected. I saw that I needed to go forward, and that it would take a "leap of faith", and I was not sure I could be brave enough. So your dad and I just decided to look ahead, think positively  and trust in the ultimate compassion of God.
You know that goodness surrounds you, and if you look in the right places and continue to reach out for the "healing touch" you will find the comfort that will give you hope and joy . What I want most for you, is to shift your total focus toward the future. Allow yourself to wish, hope, and pray for everything that you two want. I read a phrase that said, “I will have my angels encamped around you because I want to protect you”. Dad and I will begin again to pray nightly for you and "the hubby" to be blessed with a "gift from God".
We love you and are with you!
Mom and Dad
 

27 comments:

  1. Beautiful! What an awesome letter and mom!

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  2. Just beautiful. How amazing to have such a supportive and loving mother. :)

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  3. It's heartbreaking that you and your mom share such a tragedy, but it's also amazing that she can offer you the kind of support that only comes from someone who has really been there.

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  4. What a lovely letter from your Mum. I hope it offers you lots of strength, I find her words comforting too - especially about friends being the hands of God on earth. xx

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  5. What a beautiful letter from your mother.

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  6. What a lovely letter to receive. It must be amazing getting that kind of understanding and support from your own mother even though it does mean that you've both been through such awful tragedies. It does sound like you are very loved.

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  7. It breaks my heart how she was treated 30 years ago. What a wonderful woman.

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  8. What an amazing, supportive letter from your mom. Best of luck in your continued journey!

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  9. What a beautiful letter. I can't wrap my head around nearing 6 months of grief, let alone 30 years. Wow.

    It's lovely to know you're truly loved, above all else.

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  10. Truly beautiful. I love what she said about friends being God's hands on earth.

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  11. Tell your Mom Thanks! I needed those words tonight.

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  13. What a great letter and what a tragic story! x

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  14. I just found your blog through a friend...My daughter was stillborn 2 years ago, and your mother has just given you amazing advice. How truly special! I am so sorry for what you are going through, but I pray GOd will bless you soon and give you Hope for your future.

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  15. Tears I guess I needed to lose.

    I am so glad you have your mother. She gets it, I wish she didnt it, but she gets it so much more than I do. We have no choice but to let time do it's work on us.

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  16. What a tragic story coupled with good advice - not just for losing a child, but also for any earth shattering situation.

    Thank you for joining Post Of The Month Club! Wishing you the best, XOLaura

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  17. Fantastic advice for anyone who is hurting for whatever reason

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  18. Wow, what a lovely and powerful note from your mom. Thanks for sharing it.

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  19. Just wanted to say, well, there are no words really except that it does get easier... eventually.

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  20. so inspiring. and the fact that it came from your mom makes it that much more precious. so wonderful to have a mom that speaks such words of wisdom, love & truth.

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  21. wow...
    what an amazing supportive mother you have...
    and I'm still shocked at how things were done back then...what a strong woman your mother must be...

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  22. I love her. So beautiful. You are truly blessed; I'm happy for you. Thanks for sharing.

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  23. Your mom is very wise. My son and DIL lost a beautiful 3 month old to SIDS, and it changed their lives. They have two wonderful sons, but they have mentored a great many grieving people after the loss of a baby. They truly made some good come out of their loss. God bless.

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