Are We Ready For This?

Tomorrow is the big day. I start my first lupron injection and my donor egg cycle is officially a go. It's exciting and scary and a bunch of other things too. And it's happening,,,,, now. Not some day in the future,,,,, but now. It's not just a concept anymore, it's a reality. Last night before falling asleep I found myself wondering if we're ready for all of this?

On the one hand I can't wait to get started. On the other hand I know this means we're diving head first into uncharted territory.

Putting ourselves back out there. 

To that scary place where we will be vulnerable again. 

Where we cannot protect ourselves from failure, or success,,, or another loss. 

• Are we ready for all of this? Who knows. 
• Is there ever going to be a day when our feelings won't be so raw and vulnerable? Probably not. 
• Are we in a place where we could handle another pregnancy??  I hope so. 
• Are we in a place where we could handle another pregnancy loss? I have no idea. 

All I know is that we want more than anything to have a living, breathing, take-home baby.

• One who we can watch grow up and that can smile cheekily in family photos. 
• One who is noisy, and messy, and demanding of our time. 
• One who makes a huge wail when he or she is born. 
• One who's eyes we get to see looking up at us. 
• One who's hair will grow long enough that we know what color it is. 
• A baby who can be a living part of our family, not just a memory. 
• We want a baby we can hold in our arms and not just in our hearts.

All I know is that in order to have our take home baby we have to put ourselves out there.

At risk. 

Where the very best things can happen. 

Where the very worst things can happen. 

Are we ready for all of this? I suppose we're as ready as we'll ever be. We are cautiously optimistic and praying for a positive outcome. In the end I guess that's the best that we can be right now.