Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Finding Hope In The Strangest Of Places

Sometimes life sends you a sign. A signal of hope. Sometimes you notice it right away, and other times it takes a bit longer. I happen to be a bit slower than the average girl so for me these signs can take a while to reveal themselves. In this particular case, it took me about a month.

During my first donor egg IVF cycle I went to Barcelona as a way to distract myself during my 2 week wait. I was very hopeful and dreaming of my rainbow baby. 

For those of you not familiar with the term, a rainbow baby is the baby you have after a loss. There are many theories about why they're called rainbow babies. One idea is that they bring the color back into your life after a loss. Another is that they are called rainbow babies because grief is like a storm and this new baby is like the rainbow that happens afterwards. 

Either way, I love the term and that particular week my mind was very much on the possibility that I could indeed be pregnant with mine. 

I did quite a bit of sightseeing while I was there because the hubby had to work and I was on my own. I took lots of photos because that's what I do. I normally try to have either myself of the hubby in the photos but this time as I was on my own I just took photos of things. 

I particularly enjoyed the Palau Güell which is a house in Barcelona that was designed by the famous architect Antoni Gaudi. If you haven't visited I highly recommend it. The entire house was amazing but I was particularly taken by the chimneys on the roof. Here are a few photos of them so you can see what I mean. 

Curved rooftop.
They are all done in tile or rocks.
All different styles and shapes.
Perhaps you can see where I'm going with this story??
They are very intricate and all very different. I absolutely loved them. In fact, I loved them so much that I bought a small replica of one in the gift shop. They sell almost all of these in the shop but I didn't want to go crazy so I just got one.

This one. 

I'm sure you've figured it out by now, but at the time I got this I was still clueless.
This was my favorite chimney so this is the one I bought. I got it home and even though I unpacked, I kind of forgot about this and left it in the bag from the gift shop.

As you probably know, that IVF cycle was a bust. So we're trying again in October with our frozen embryo.

The other day I was doing a bit of tidying up and noticed the bag sitting on the counter. I happily opened the bag to see what was inside it. It's kind of like when you find money in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn in a while. I was so happy to see my purchase from my trip. I took the replica of the chimney out of the package and placed it on top of my fireplace.

As I sat on the couch admiring my purchase, it hit me. It was a rainbow!! Of all the chimneys to choose from I had bought the one with the rainbow on it. And I hadn't even realized I was doing it.

I told you I was kind of slow.

So in my fog of dreaming of rainbows I had bought one of my very own. Opening that bag and seeing it has given me a renewed sense of hope. Ever since then I have been dreaming of my rainbow baby again.

So life sent me a sign and it took me a while to see it, but I get it now.

Better late than never I suppose.


  1. I love that! I believe in tender mercies and signs of hope!

  2. Oh, I wish I could box up all the hope and well wishes I have for you and send them your way. So in this little comment box I will do just that. I wish you monumental amounts of well wishes, hope and excitement for this leg of your journey and all the steps that come after it.

  3. That's lovely. What a beautiful sign.
    I love Barcelona. We went there on holiday earlier this year but unfortunately our holiday was cut short when I managed to cut my head open and ended up in hospital. I definitely want to go back again though and the Palau Güell sounds like it would be a great place to visit.

  4. I loved all the Gaudi the city of Barcelona is just covered with. I think your souvenir sounds lovely and quite appropriate right now. :)

  5. And just maybe it was a sign that you didn't find it until just now. Hmmm...

  6. Beautiful. Here's to rainbow babies for all who yearn for them.

  7. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I am so sorry for your loss and really hoping you get your rainbow baby soon. Good luck with your FET and lets hope we both get our FET's, cycle buddy!

  8. Absolutely gorgeous, and nothing less than that!

    May this FET be the one for you.

    I prefer to call the 'lost' babies as unicorn babies. I was thinking on the meaning of rainbow babies too, and was struck there were no names for the lost children.

    Happy ICLW

  9. Beautiful! What a wonderful sign :) I've had a few of those, and they've turned out to be true. I think there is a good reason you haven't put it on your mantle until now. Fingers crossed!

  10. Hello! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm so sorry for your loss... so so sorry. I want to give you a big hug. It sounds like you had a ton of support, which is fantastic. I'm excited that you are trying for a new baby and are using donor eggs. I am now a new follower of YOURS! I can't wait to see you get your take home baby (and me too :-) )

    P.S, I love the term Rainbow Baby. I never knew what that term meant.

  11. Sometimes you have to take charge and make your own rainbows. Love it!

  12. What a beautiful sign!!!

    Look for the signs and stay positive. The IVF cycle that gave me my son was filled with signs!!

    Happy ICLW

  13. What a tender and beautiful story about your sign. So sorry to hear about your loss, and thank you for explaining the term rainbow babies. I've heard it many times just never really understood exactly what was meant by it.

  14. I love that you are staying positive through along what can be a very bumpy road! Rainbow babies is such a perfect term. Good luck - i am defiantely keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.