Ever feel like you want to write but don't know what to say? That's how I'm feeling today. Some days the pain is so huge that the words flow out of me like they're writing themselves. Other days it's more of a struggle. For whatever reason, it's easier for me to find motivation and inspiration to write when I'm feeling down.
So are the two mutually exclusive? In order to write I have to feel pain? When there is no pain then there's nothing to write about?
I hope that's not the case because I enjoy writing my thoughts here. What I don't enjoy is feeling like my heart is going to break into a million pieces. So if that's what it takes for me to continue writing then I'm not so sure that's what I want.
Things in my real life are getting easier. If you had told me that seven months ago I'm not sure I would have believed you. I'm not saying I'm all better yet, but I am finding my way out of the fog. When I started this blog I was consumed by grief so that's all I wrote about. Now I am trying to move on,,,,, to find my new normal.
Finding My New Normal,,, really it's the perfect blog title. I'm so glad I picked it. How amazing that even in the depths of despair I picked a title that still contained a drop of hope.
I suppose I may have answered my own question just now.
This blog isn't only about grief and pain. It's about my journey back to some kind of normal. I can write about anything I want. Not just the sad things.
Wow, I really am all over the place today. Sorry if I'm making it hard to follow along.
But I think I just realized that this blog doesn't have to just be a sad place. It can be a happy place sometimes too. Because in my new normal I will be both. Hopefully more happy than sad, but one never knows.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
It's easy to focus on the grief side of the journey because we can all relate. Happy posts inspire me to look for what may be just a teensiest bit of happiness in my own life and also makes me want to share it with others. Write whatever is in your heart and as we all hope eventually one day our posts will have forgotten sadness and only know love.
ReplyDeleteI think that sometimes it's easier to write when you are sad because you need to get it all out. But happy posts are a little ray of light in all the sadness. I think you are working it all out and I think it's great that you have more things to be happy about! It means things are getting a little easier for you. Hugs mama!
ReplyDeleteHappy posts are good too. I so know what you mean when you want to write but don't know what to say. I feel a lot like that at the moment, all over the place.
ReplyDeleteI think it is lovely to see some 'happiness' creeping in :)
You are so right, it is easier to write when your emotions are down and your feeling the pain. You will have good and bad days, that is what I find happens. I wish you much more happiness that sadness in days ahead.
ReplyDeleteSometimes my best writing comes from my darkest moments. But I write even when the words don't want to come because writing is what I do. I could no sooner stop writing than stop breathing.
ReplyDeleteIt is so easy to just dwell on the bad things, at least for me. I am trying to find some good through all this grief. Happy posts are nice to read, and it lets me and I'm sure other know that this is hope and not all days need to be gloomy. I hope there are many more happy days ahead for you
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. Everything in this post has made so much sense to me. I often feel this way too. xx
ReplyDeleteLovely that you're feeling closer to finding your new normal and looking forward to your happy posts too... may there come a time for you when they definitely outnumber the not-so-happy ones xoxo
ReplyDeleteMany of us share this same journey; days where words just flow when our hearts are hurting the most.
ReplyDeleteWriting is an excellent way to channel emotions, happy or sad. The important thing is to share and know that people understand and can lend support.
Wishing you better days ahead,
Patty
I used to only be able to write when I was sad, angry, or some other negative emotion. I felt that was what fueled my creative side. I think because they're such powerful emotions, they make it easier to express yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time finding happiness to be such a powerful motivator, but it's possible. And well worth while.
We had lost our daughter after 30 weeks - she lived for two days.. I was sad for so long... That was 16 years ago.. Today I have 15 and 13 year daughters - and I thank God everyday.... even when they act like their age! Life will get better and you have much more joy... I promise!
ReplyDeleteNewest follower.
I've Become My Mother
Kelly's Ideas
Amazing Salvation
My poetry is always more inspired by sadness or emotional distress. My novel writing also finds passion in the darker side of experience. But it is important to challenge ourselves to look as closely to happiness as we do sadness. Its not as easy, but its quite possibly better for us on many levels.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. Please consider linking up at my blog hops. Both would suit you I think - Mondays and weekends over at wordsinsync.blogspot.com - New follower. Shah. X
My poetry is always more inspired by sadness or emotional distress. My novel writing also finds passion in the darker side of experience. But it is important to challenge ourselves to look as closely to happiness as we do sadness. Its not as easy, but its quite possibly better for us on many levels.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. Please consider linking up at my blog hops. Both would suit you I think - Mondays and weekends over at wordsinsync.blogspot.com - New follower. Shah. X
aw I cant even imagine what you are going through. Your blog will be whatever it needs to be sad, happy whatever. it will help you find your new normal. Much love to you x
ReplyDeleteI'm from California, too, and had 2 miscarriages so I know the emotional roller-coaster ride one has to go through. I thought I healed already after my 2nd miscarriage because I got pregnant again, but oh my! Was I wrong. I was driving and I heard something from the audiobook I was listening that triggered it, and I was bawling. Up to now, even if I have 2 kids, I still remember those other 2 that could have been my kids. Just hang in there, girl! It's tough but you'll get through it. Btw, your latest follower from the blog hop.
ReplyDeleteA good thing to do is to just smile. it changes your view on things.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from FTLOB, and glad that I did. I hope you find your "new normal".
My heart is with you. Your pain is a burden to carry alone - letting others in and sharing - whether sad or happy - lets others know they are not alone either. Sharing this not only helps you alone. Keep expressing and keep finding your way - there is a new normal to be had! You have a new follower in me and I look forward to listening to your journey.
ReplyDelete~Wendie
Absolutely, you can share the happy and the sad, because the beauty in the happy is that you have learned to appreciate it that much more after all you have been through.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss!! It's heartbreaking. All I can say is take one day at a time. There will be some good days, in between the many bad days, but continue to do whatever eases your heart. If writing helps alleviate some of that pain, continue doing do it.
ReplyDeleteHugs from the U.S.
(Found your blog on FTLOB and am your newest follower).
Lala
http://esmerlala30.blogspot.com/
I know exactly what you're saying..my own blog seems to be all about grief and loss and sadness right now and I sometimes wonder if that's what it should be...it is very cathartic to write about our losses, but we also should try to find some kind of hope and happiness in all of this. I agree, your blog name is perfect! Keep writing and keep striving for you 'new normal'..it will come. Peace.
ReplyDeleteThis simple post brings me joy for you, because what it says to me is that you have made amazing progress! Life will never be the same, but you are reaching a point where maybe you really can find what is normal now. This is the time when you can share the joys that once seemed impossible, no matter how small. What a journey you have had already, and I look forward to seeing now what the future holds. :)
ReplyDeleteI look forward to seeing what the future holds too! Now if only I could find that crystal ball.
ReplyDeleteHi there, I love the title of your blog... I too lost my son... - he was 3 at the time, and it really took me an awful long time to find my new normal.... I really didnt want to have one. But, the sun keeps setting, and rising... life keeps going... and i have other children who need me much more than anything. They really have helped me. I do hope that the future holds great things for you, and i really look forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeletehugs from accross the globe.. Laura xx
I love the title of your blog too, and i can't imagine what you're going through, but I can understand how having a blog would be a really helpful outlet.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the posts that 'write themselves' are the ones where there is big emotion involved. So I can see how grief would encourage your writing - but I think great writing can also flow from love, awe, light, joy, excitement and surprise.
Wishing you warm spring sunshine, and many more happy moments :)
My blog has become my shiny little bubble of happiness - I hope that you find yours to be the same. Or whatever you would like your 'bubble' to look like :) Thank you for joining Post Of The Month Club - it is great to have you there. Wishing you a wonderful rest of your week, XOL
ReplyDeleteCalling by from Happy Homemaker UK as participating in Post of the Month and really enjoying meeting everyone else and reading their favourite posts, although yours is unusual in its sadness. Take Care
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