Monday 30 April 2012

Please Baby Please

Be born alive and healthy.

Seems like such a simple request and yet it's all I can think about these days.

I follow lots of blogs written by women just like me. Women who have lost babies. Women who have picked themselves up and trudged through their grief. Women who have been brave enough and lucky enough to find themselves pregnant again. Women who are doing their best to manage their fear while still trying to stay positive that their rainbow babies will be delivered to them, alive and healthy.

I've been so happy to see so many rainbow babies born lately. These much wanted babies, born to parents who know what it's like to not get their happy ending. Babies who were much loved and much wanted. Babies born into families who will treat them like the true miracles that they are. Because as much as I believe that every baby born is a miracle, I think rainbow babies are just that much more special. Special to their families in a way that if you haven't lost a baby you cannot understand.

Reading about all these rainbows has given me hope. Hope that perhaps it's my turn too. My turn to have my rainbow baby born alive and healthy. Because life can't be that cruel, right? Once you've had one terrible tragedy you surely deserve your happy ending.

Yesterday I read about another angel born into heaven. A beautiful baby girl born still at 36 weeks. Her parents lost her older brother a while back and this was to be their rainbow baby. Their happy ending. Their second chance to be parents to a living child.

Reading that post struck fear into the very core of me. It took me right back to that time and place when we found out our son had passed away. That feeling never really leaves you, you just tuck it away and try not to think about it. It reminded me that life can be that cruel, and bad things can happen over and over again to good people.

When I read this terrible news I was shocked and saddened. I was so very sad for them and in a way not ready to believe that it could happen to them again. Then the reality set in, it had happened to them,,, and it could still happen to me.

It could still happen to me.
It could still happen to me.
It could still happen to me.

I couldn't get that thought out of my head. I was struck down with sheer terror at the very thought of it. It's not that this is a new concept to me. In fact, it's something that is never far from my mind. But seeing it happen to someone I feel connected to made it just that more real. And that scared me in a way I just can't explain.

I can't handle another loss and I'm pretty sure The Hubby can't either. We are so deeply in love with this baby girl. I have been thinking about what additional questions I will be asking my doctor this week to make sure we stay on top of things this time. So that we won't be caught by surprise. So that she can be born alive.

And now that's all I can think about. Please baby please, be born alive and healthy. Because your Daddy and I really need you to be here with us. Because we just can't go through all that again.

Please baby please???

16 comments:

  1. Yup. Absolutely and completely.

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  2. Oh, I can just absolutely feel every bit of your fear and pain in this message. I continue to pray for you all and excitedly look at your pregancy ticker each time I stop by. But I know this pain. I know this anxiety. I know it won't be over until that baby is in your arms. All I can do is continue my prayers. Hang in there.

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  3. I have to agree with Mel your pain and fear comes through so much in this post. I'm keeping you in my prayers that this is YOUR take home baby. That this is YOUR rainbow baby. ((hugs))

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  4. You know I agree with you. Please baby please live. But at the same time we all know that we could live through something awful again. Unfortunately, we wouldn't die, much as we would want to. That is the terribleness of it in so many ways. We can live through it again.
    Still I will join you with please live baby.

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  5. I could not imagine. My best friend I have known since we were 5, delivered her still born at 38 weeks. And just seeing what she went through breaks my heart!!! I pray you have a healthy beautiful baby!! Visiting from the blog hop!!Newest follower!! :)

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  6. I'm feeling the same fear. Talk about a reality check, that's for sure. I can't believe it happened again to a family that deserves a break. Praying that your little one arrives screaming!

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  7. This news is all over many mamas blogs. I did not know the woman and so I went to her blog and read and left her a note. I have been weeping because this is so horrendous! Being pregnant again, the fear is there constantly with moments of calm and with constant hope. Reading about this loss is what every BLM mama fears... The worst thing in the world happening to you twice! I am so sad and this makes me so fearful.

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  8. Please baby please... I'm with you in the hoping for little Frostina xx

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  9. I would be feeling exactly the same as you, thinking the same things and going insane. In fact you are always in my thoughts, I am always worrying and hoping for you. Take comfort knowing that a complete stranger has connected with you and is sending you love vibes :-)
    The only thing I can think of, that I would be trying to tell myself in your situation, is to be happy for Frostina as she is her right now. xxxxx

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    1. As she is HERE right now - sorry for the typo x

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  10. I think how you are feeling is totally normal considering what you have been through. Good luck in the coming weeks...

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  11. i understand. i just wish life was easy for all of us that have experience the loss of our children. we deserve some happiness. and i'm in shock to hear about that family. it sickens me that life is so unfair.

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  12. Life is just so unfair sometimes, it makes me want to scream. Praying for a healthy, happy outcome for you! xx

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  13. I have seen the news as well, it's beyond unfair. There are no words really. I understand your fear, it's not getting easier does it!

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  14. That is just awful :(

    A rainbow baby died two days before my rainbow was born and I went into theatre with his name on my mind and my lips. I was so sad and afraid.

    Through all this we somehow have to remember that mostly it does work out. Hugs.

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  15. My heart breaks for her too... this tragedy should never happen to anyone... esp not twice xo

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