Sunday, 1 January 2012


Christmas is over, the new year is here, and my house is once again free of visitors. I can feel my body slowly unwinding from all the activity and family time. It would unwind much more quickly with a nice glass of wine,,,, but alas, this pregnant lady is off the booze.

I'm a bundle of extra energy right now. Wanting to get the house back to normal. Washing all the sheets and towels. Taking down the Christmas tree. I know it will take me days to fully relax. I'm like this after all our family visits.

Having family come to visit is always wonderful. Having family come to visit is also always a bit stressful. Part of it is of course the fact that we live across the pond from our family so when they do come it's for a longer period of time. My parents can't exactly pop in for the weekend since it takes them 11 hours on a plane to get here. So when visitors come it's generally for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. That can be a LOT of family time... if you know what I mean.

Brussels at Christmas
I'm not complaining this time around though. After spending last Christmas on our own, buried in our own grief, it was nice to have a house full of happy people this year. We even invited another couple over for Christmas dinner. I cooked a turkey and all the fixings, poured lots of wine, and played a bunch of silly party games. All in all, it was a great night. I took my parents around London and we even took the Eurostar over to Brussels for a quick visit. It was very nice to see them, but I'm exhausted.

I actually felt a bit sorry for them this trip. My nausea and exhaustion kicked in on several days so we had to cancel plans. In addition, The Hubby got a terrible cold and was out of commission for almost a week. So basically they had "The Preggo" and "The Sickie" as hosts. It resulted in a few more days at home than I think they might have liked. Although they are so excited that I'm pregnant again that I think they will forgive me.

I don't feel guilty for enjoying myself a bit this year. In the year and four months since our son died we have grieved him almost continuously. At some point that grief gets softer around the edges. Somehow we find a way to be able to feel joy and happiness again. I am grateful for the happiness. Because it cuts through the pain of grief. I am grateful that we were able to have a Happy Christmas this year. Perhaps it will be the first of many more to come.

But for now it's back to reality. I've got sheets to wash, Christmas decorations to put away, and some serious unwinding to do.


  1. It looks like you had a beautiful Christmas.. and I can relate to what you said about these edges being softer. Thinking of you and frosty... Happy New Year!

  2. Happy New Year! I'm sure your parents did enjoy spending time with you, that is probably the most important gift. enjoy the unwinding..

  3. I'm glad you had some good holiday times - may the new year bring softer grief and new joys.

    And I'm also daydreaming about the forbidden glass of wine.

  4. It sounds like you had a great Christmas Holiday, minus the nausea and your husband's cold. It's always tough to spend extended periods of time with relatives, but it sounds like you all made the best of it, something you should all congratulate yourselves on. I am really happy for you that you could spend this Holiday with hope and anticipation at the arrival of your child in 2012. I'm sure that also comes with fear, given your history, but it is quite amazing that you are able to move ahead and find yourself expecting again. May 2012 be a wonderful year for you.

  5. Its a bummer you were both sick but good to be surrounded by family for the holidays.