Thursday, 5 January 2012

Invitation Declined... Phew

As I wrote about a while back, I've been invited to a baby shower this month. If you click on the link you can read in detail just how much turmoil this caused me.

If just can't be bothered, here's the story in a nutshell.
  • The last baby shower I went to was my own. 
  • My son died 3 weeks later.
  • The though of having to attend a baby shower makes me break out in hives.
  • I wasn't sure exactly how to say no because I'm a people pleaser.
Ok, so now we're all up to speed.

I've spent a long time thinking about it and have decided that I just can't go. There is still a small part of me that wants to push myself, to not allow myself to hide from things like this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life avoiding baby showers because they are usually pretty fun events. Also, I don't like to miss out on a good party,,, ever. But I've decided that this is not the time.

I'm 15 weeks pregnant which means my hormones are all over the place. So the likelihood of crying goes way up. In fact, I started crying on the bus yesterday for no reason at all. I just don't trust my emotions right now. Plus the fact that this is not a good time to be stressing myself out. I'm already scared and stressed enough just being pregnant again. So I'm not exactly in the best state of mind to test or push myself.

I've got plenty of time to put on my big girl panties and act like a mature grown up. Just not now. There's no reason to rush into something that could end up a total disaster. No one wins if that happens and I could end up ruining someones special day. Not good.

So I sent her an email explaining my feelings and why I didn't feel I could come. It was such a relief just to send it. Now it's not hanging over my head anymore. Her reply was very positive. She told me she understands why I can't come and thanked me for telling her my reasons. So either all is well, or she's pissed off and just faking it. Either way I really don't care.

I'm just relieved that I stood up for myself and am only doing things I think I can handle right now. After all, I've got my little Frosty to take care of.


  1. Good job taking care of YOU, mama!! I still sense a bit of guilt, maybe, and I hope that will pass as you learn that YOU are the most important one here, and that it doesn't matter what others feel about how you choose to take care of yourself. It's not about them...and our truest, bestest friends and family members will understand and support all of us BLMs when we make choices that are best for ourselves.


  2. Good for you. Now you can plan something fun for that day!

  3. Well done,

    I'm glad your friend was understanding. It makes things so much easier.

  4. I bet that is a relief! You have the rest of your life to go to baby showers and kid birthdays when you're in a better place mentally. Even Emily Post would agree, that just because we get invited to a function, it doesn't mean we have to go :)

    Unless of course it is an invitation from the Queen, or the President...those are kind of tough to get out of ;)

  5. Glad that is one less worry off your plate!

  6. That is awesome that you know your limits and let her know them, too. I would think anyone could understand this situation and, if not, forget them!

  7. unless you've been through it, it is difficult for the average woman to understand. Good job on taking care of yourself.

    Are baby showers cathcing on in the uk?

  8. Good for you, I think anyone who knows you and your situation should be understanding and supportive. You can always post a pressie to 'smooth things over' if you feel its necessary.

  9. If she has a soul, she is genuinely touched by your honesty. I'm sure she invited you because she doesn't want to leave you out due to your grief. This way, she is allowing you to choose. If you feel like coming, she's surely glad to have you, but if not, she's not doing it to put pressure on you. I'm so glad you did what you needed to do.

  10. Good for you! It is so hard to say no but you do have to take care of yourself!

  11. I'll be avoiding a baby shower this weekend, just like you! A wonderful friend, but I just can't go to a shower. I just can't. Still. :/

    Glad she was understanding.

  12. You're right, no matter what she's thinking, it doesn't matter. You've done the right thing by looking after YOU and YOUR needs right now.

  13. You have something so much more important and precious than going to a baby shower to care about. :) Good for you for doing what's right for you instead of what others expect.

    I know after Savannah died I didnt want to be around my friends who had daughters the same age. It's totally normal and is part of grief and survival.

    I lost a lot of friends over this however regret nothing....on this journey you do what you have to. I still find it painful to see a girl that she used to play with when she was alive. It's a constant reminder of what I'll never have....and I'm ok with that now.

    Thrilled that you are pregnant and I wish you every happiness on your journey.
    with love
    Diana x

  14. Good for you- glad you did what was right for you and glad you have one less thing to worry about.

  15. I'm proud of you for sending that email. Everyone has their time to grow and if your not ready yet there is nothing to be ashamed of. You have good reasons to stay behind and I sincerely believe that you will one day see these parties again. Until then sit back, try and relax with little frosty. hugs mama-

  16. Glad you are doing the right thing for you. Keep little Frostly safe.

  17. I'm sure she understood your situation. How very sad for you, but how absolutely wonderful you are carrying another baby. I wish there was an answer for you, but life sure throws some horrible stuff our way. I lost a baby so many years ago - while I was carrying her. Although I never got hives, I spent many years crying every day. This was a good post for me to read. Your blog entourage blog hop friend.

  18. So proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing what's right for you. Good for you for recognizing that this is not the time to push yourself. May you contiue to be gentle with yourself