Monday 23 April 2012

Top 10 Things About Infertility That Surprised Me

As you may or may not know, this week is infertility awareness week. It's a week when we're supposed to reflect and share awareness of the fact that not everyone can just get drunk, have sex, and make a baby. I know, it sounds crazy if you watch TV or read the papers but it's not that easy for everyone. If you only went by what you see in the media you would think that any isolated unprotected sex will automatically guarantee you a bouncing bundle of joy at the end.

What you don't see nearly as often are the millions of couples who struggle each year to start their family. Or the ones that manage to get pregnant and then lose those babies somewhere along the way. For whatever reason, we don't like to talk about infertility. For many couples it becomes a dark secret never to be discussed in polite conversation. A shameful secret, one that elicits pity from others who are grateful it isn't happening to them.

It's also something that gets whispered about when we leave the room. "They can't have children." "They have been trying for years and no babies." "Isn't it terrible, they are such nice people." I could go on and on, but I won't. I will only say that these things have all been whispered about me and The Hubby. Oh, and just for the record, sometimes a whisper carries farther than people expect so make sure people are actually out of earshot before you say them about someone you know and love.

I could get all dark and reflective on this topic, but I'm not in the mood for that. So instead I am going to give you a David Letterman-style Top 10 list of things about infertility that surprised me.

Top 10 Things About Infertility That Surprised Me

1. I am jealous of crack addicts who always seem to be able to get pregnant and carry their babies to term.

2. When I got married, I figured that my husband would be the only one looking at my vagina on a regular basis. I have now lost count at the number of people who have had themselves a peek and a poke.

3. You will get to a point where you don't really care who is looking at your vagina, as long as they have some kind of medical degree and offer you some hope that they can get you pregnant.

4. I wish they actually found something wrong with me. The term "unexplained infertility" basically means you are totally screwed and there is no exact plan of treatment for you.

5. Even the most amorous of husbands will tire of having to "do it" on a schedule.

6. If you find yourself accusing your husband of not loving you because he doesn't want to "do it" when you're ovulating just because he has the flu, it's time to take a break from trying for a baby.

7. You will learn more medical terms and acronyms than you ever wanted to. I'm still hoping that someday they will come up with a infertility version of Trivial Pursuit so I can kick some major ass!

8. There is no such thing as a pain olympics. Anyone who struggles with infertility has experienced pain. It's not a contest, they don't give out prizes for the most failed cycles. Although if they did I would hope they would be filled with wine.

9. Getting pregnant does not cure you from being infertile. Once an infertile, always an infertile. You're just an infertile with kids.

10. If you do reach out and talk about your struggles with infertility you will be surprised to find that your infertile sisters are all around you. They can be your biggest resource for hugs and information. So don't be shy or embarrassed,,,, talk about it! It really will help.


29 comments:

  1. I just found your blog from the Mom Monday Blog Hop. I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties with infertility and loss. Reading your Top 10 made me smile though. I'm following you now! - Amy

    http://motherhoodandmiscellany.blogspot.com

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  2. Reading your top 10 indeed did make me smile today. This post is so the complete opposite of my post today as I struggle to figure out why I should even continue to blog about my journey. And boy are you right, being slapped with the diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" does make me feel like we are royally screwed with no definite plan of treatment.

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  3. What a truly incredible journey you have been on. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you will see your baby girl in a few short weeks. Love your blog and found you through The Not So Secret Confessions blog hop. Come visit and link up with me if you have the time. Have a fantastic week.
    http://fireplacedecorating.blogspot.com/

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  4. I enjoyed your top 10 list and particularly could relate to #4. To me, not only did "unexplained" mean "you are totally screwed and there is no exact plan of treatment for you," it also made it hard for me justify pulling out the "big guns" of IVF for a long time or to even definitely identify myself as infertile. ("All our tests look great, we just need to give it some more time, and erm. . . relax?")

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  5. I really love this! Thank you for sharing!

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  6. Thats great! Thanks for the laugh.

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  7. How tedious is trying-to-get-pregnant sex? Ugh.....

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  8. This is an awesome top ten list. My fave is #3.

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  9. Thanks for addressing a very needed topic! new follower from the blog hop! would love a follow back

    http://cumminslife.blogspot.com/

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  10. all very true. i especially agree with #9, once an infertile, always an infertile. even though, after years of trying, i finally had a beautiful little girl, i will always identify as infertile.
    iclw

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  11. Although I knew that one pregnancy was by no means an assurance of another, that if you struggled to get pregnant once, you pretty much would struggle again, I had not really thought of it as "infirtile with kids". You're right, of course, but it opened my eyes to a new perspective.

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  12. Great post. Number One totally cracked me up. I can't tell you how many times I've thought I should try crack just to see if those preggos were onto something my RE hasn't yet figured out. Best of everything to you.

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  13. Having any unexplained condition is extraordinarily frustrating. I'm almost thankful when they find something else wrong as there's a possibility it can be fixed.

    The 'whispers' are tough aren't they. Have a good week.

    xx

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  14. Hi there. I'm a new follower via the blog hop. This post really made me smile, I'm going to pass it on to friends who have struggled to pregnant. Your earlier post on naming your daughter made me cry. How amazing to share such an emotional roller-coaster.
    Catherine x (http://cupofteaandablog.blogspot.com.au)

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  15. I'm here via ICLW, not for the first time, nor for the last I'm sure. I have to agree with item #1, I never thought I'd be jealous of crack addicts, teenage mothers, and people who actually got to have babies without spending a years salary on the process.

    I hope that Frostina continues to grow well and is in your arms in June, alive, strong, and beautifully healthy.

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  16. I love this post. I found myself agreeing with each of your top 10!!! Especially the part about all the people who have had a "peek and a poke". Well put!

    ICLW #95

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  17. Great post! Those crack addicts are really unnerving......
    I can see why you would find that annoying

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  18. Stopping by from Mom Blog Monday. You made me giggle with the way that you wrote this post. I know when we got pregnant with our daughter, I was surprised by how many people are struggling to have babies. I hope that Frostina keeps doing good and you get to enjoy her sweetness. We are due within days of each other I think. I'm due June 25th. Good luck with your pregnancy!

    Mommy of One and Counting http://www.housesbyshannon.blogspot.com

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  19. Awesome. That is one of the best top 10 lists I've ever read. I especially liked #7....Infertility Trivial Pursuit :D ...and #8. Thank you for the grins.

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  20. All so true... wish there was an easier way but at least we're all here for each other xoxo

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  21. I found myself nodding to your entire list...and so amen on the crack addicts. I really want to know what they do so right!

    And point 4? Bingo lady!


    #24

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  22. Hello from ICLW.

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and hoping the next few weeks are kind to you and you are kind to yourself.

    Be well.

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  23. 11. And that you end up living your life in 2 week cycles. One of hope. One of tears.

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  24. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your little boy. It took us a long, long time to conceive our daughter and after four days of induction, she came out close to death. It felt a particularly cruel twist of fate given the efforts we'd gone to to conceive her.

    Funnily enough, when I was having hypno to try and calm my overworked mind, one of the things the hypnotherapist mentioned was that crack addicts can get pregnant, so there was every chance that I could. The world works in strange ways - ways that make me want to punch it in the face and scream at it.

    Anyway. I look forward to hearing good news about the arrival of your new baby.

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  25. My thought on #1:

    I would never want to have an addiction to drugs, alcohol etc or be a pregnant teenager - but I would like to be as fertile as those groups seem to be. If only they could bottle it and sell it.

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  26. Although I haven't been formally said to be struggling with infertility I have been TTC'n for over a year now. At any rate I had to laugh at some of your "surprises" due to knowing all too well the things to be surprised about. lol
    ~Felicia

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  27. I like your top ten list! I've been brainstorming a similar list: "You Know Your Infertile When..." Also, hello from ICLW!

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  28. Hear hear!

    Especially on those first three Yesterday at my doc appt. the doctor asks if I mind if he takes a look at my cervix.

    I laughed and said so many people have been up there already, it really doesn't matter either way.
    Sigh.

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  29. This made me laugh out loud. Thank you!

    wwww.thingscouldntbebetter.com

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