Monday 21 February 2011

We're Really Going to do This.

I never thought I'd be here again. I never thought I'd be 41 and trying for another baby.

To be fair, I wasn't sure I would ever be able to get pregnant. But I did, at 39, and I thought all my prayers were answered. I would have my baby at 40 and then be done. One perfect healthy child was enough. We would try hard not to spoil him and would make sure he had lots of play dates so he would learn how to share. We would love him and he would love us. We would be the perfect family of three.

"There's no heartbeat."

Those awful words that I heard at my 36 week scan. Those awful words changed everything.

So here I am at 41 getting ready to try again. I obviously have a lot of fear about the whole thing which I wrote about in this post back in January. But I've got hope as well.

We had our appointment at the fertility clinic last Friday. They did a scan of my uterus and all is well. No fibroids, no polyps, I even have a few follicles left. The consultation with the doctor raised some interesting options for us. We are quite worried about the fact that we are both carriers for cystic fibrosis. This means that we have a 1 in 4 chance of a child of ours being born with the disease. We are keen to find ways to avoid this. I don't have nearly enough follicles to do pre-genetic diagnosis (PGD) so we need to think outside the box.

"So how about using donor sperm or donor eggs?" This is the question we asked our fertility doctor on Friday. We have been considering this option for a while now. If you think about it, it's pretty much half-way between adopting and having your own children. With adoption, the child isn't genetically related to either parent. With donor eggs or sperm, the child is genetically related to one of the parents. Plus, here in the UK if you conceive a child this way it's still legally yours. No issues with lawyers or in our case immigration and visa complications.

A big smile erupted on the face of our doctor. She agreed that this could be a very good option for us. Her recommendation was to use donor eggs because of my age. Younger eggs produce better embryos and better embryos are much more likely to result in a happy healthy baby. So less likelihood of miscarriage, downs syndrome, edwards syndrome, and many other (Mother's) age related issues. Pregnancy after loss is always going to be stressful, and knowing that you are helping to decrease your chances of another loss is a huge relief. I know there are no guarantees in life, but this made me feel a lot better.

I think this is the option we are going to go for. The big issue at the moment is the cost. It's crazy expensive! My hubby does well and financially we're in a good place. But this is huge money. The kind of money that would completely deplete our savings we have set aside for when we move back to the US and need to buy a house again. My parents have offered to help out which is much appreciated. But they have no idea what kind of money we're talking about yet. I am trying to ease them into it by telling them it's "REALLY" expensive.

In my heart I know that this is what I want to do. My husband is all for it as well. So we will figure out the money side. After all, bringing home a healthy living child would be worth it.

41 comments:

  1. I wish you all the luck in the world.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another one who is keeping everything tightly crossed for you and your husband. So hoping that the donor eggs work out and you get to hold a healthy rainbow brother or sister for your beautiful son in your arms.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so glad you are trying again- and that you guys have a plan together. I pray that the expense part of it works out for you and that you have a safe journey to bringing your little rainbow baby home.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. SO happy for you that you have decided to try again and looking forward to supporting you along the journey. Hoping for rainbow baby news very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow good luck! How exciting.

    I just found you through one of the Monday blog hops. Have a great week!

    Amanda @ www.nutritionistreviews.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Good luck to you!

    Stopping by via the Monday hop to say hello and to follow. Have a great day!
    POSH
    http://poshonabudget.com/2011/02/happy-monday-5.html

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've not been reading your blog long but wanted to wish you all the luck in the world! I really hope you get the outcome you so deserve!

    All the best

    H xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wishing you loads of love and luck for what lies ahead. x

    ReplyDelete
  9. good luck to you....you will be in my thoughts. i wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sending love and prayers. Wishing you the best. :))

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wishing you best of luck !!
    New follower via Mingle Monday. Hoep you will follow me too @http://masalabowl.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  12. A very brave choice, worth for sure. Update us (plus, your blog is linked to WLS webside like mine, contact me if you ever fancy a coffee).

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good luck! Hope everything works out.

    Flora

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wishing you the very, very best of luck xo

    ReplyDelete
  15. So happy for you guys, hoping that things continue smoothly for you & wishing you so many positive thoughts ((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  16. You might consider going outside of the UK for this treatment. I went to the Czech Republic (and now I provide coordination/ case management services for patients to go there). It is far cheaper and the wait lists are much shorter that what I've heard for donor cycles in the UK.

    A typical anonymous donor egg & sperm cycle in Czech can be around 6000 Euro/$8000 (compared to about $40,000 here in the US) that price is including donor meds, donor compensation, clinic fees and our coordination fees (in advance and a local person to accompany you to the treatment). You can do it for a little less less if you want to go direct to the clinic, but you will wait about 9 - 11 months on the wait list. Or, if you want to do a frozen cycle with frozen donor embryos, it can be as low as a couple thousand Euro. Feel free to contact me about this if you want more details. You might also want to check out my other blog http://ivftraveler.wordpress.com where I blog about traveling for IVF. :-)

    I think it is great that you are looking at trying again. I wish you much success quickly!

    ReplyDelete
  17. New follower from Mingle monday. I would love it if you followed me.

    http://realadventuresfromamomof3.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  18. After reading Sue's comment, I would be so terrified to be in your shoes. I can't imagine all the stress that will come, but can certainly understand the desire for a child. Hoping everything works out for you in a timely manner. Sending love your way!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Budget Savvy Diva - #1 frugal blog in Southern California, is your newest follower - love if you would head on over to http://budgetsavvydiva.com and follow me back
    Also check out Budget Savvy Diva's facebook for giveaways - http://facebook.com/thebudgetsavvydiva
    Thanks! Sara

    ReplyDelete
  20. This decision makes me happy for you! Selfishly, it also gives me hope to read this hopeful post. The financial burden of infertility is a terrible thing, but in its best cases, a healthy baby brings no regrets. Best of luck to you.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I will be praying that everything works out for you guys. It just sucks that you guys have so many road blocks to cross, but I pray you guys will have your healthy baby.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh my goodness - how scary and exciting, all at the same time! Wishing and praying for you that everything goes smoothly and ends in the best possible way. xx

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wonderful news! I wish you all the luck in the world for this next step and hope that things happen for you in a timely manor - sending you so much strength for the days, weeks and months ahead; good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  24. *Hugs* This is extremely exciting and wonderful news. I am so happy for you and your husband. As always, keeping you in my warmest of thoughts and wishing you the very best!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Good on you for thinking about trying again and being so open to all the options available to you... wonderful news and looking forward to sharing the journey with you as an older mum too xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wishing you all the best for this new journey. Lots of love and prayers xx

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm so happy that you guys are trying again- you will be in my thoughts- I hope it all goes smoothly!!

    (Hi from Blog Gems!)

    ReplyDelete
  28. All extremities crossed that all goes well. We're all out here hoping for you.

    Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The topic of new certainly is many things for many people...I wish nothing but good health and happiness for the road ahead. xx

    ReplyDelete
  30. I absolutely have to read forward to find out where things are currently. I hope - of all hopes - that this works out for you. I can't imagine how difficult this must be - emotionally, physically, financially. Wishing you luck x infinity.

    ReplyDelete
  31. The ends we will go to have a child. I am so wishing you and your husband well. And when it comes to money for something this important who cares!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ditto on reading forward, that's what I'm off to do and I truly hope you're having success. We went through fertility treatment to (eventually!) conceive our perfect little boy and I can completely relate to wanting to do anything to have one - and it's so worth all the pain and heartache and dollars (or pounds) - a million times over!

    ReplyDelete
  33. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Hearing those words can be so devastating, I applaud your courage and wish for you the joy of parenthood. In 1988 at 33 weeks I heard those horrible words after which for six months life for me did not exist. I do believe that my healing truly began when I became pregnant again and gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy. Good Luck!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Wishing you and your husband well and hoping everything turns out wonderfully.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Oh I hope everything turns out wonderful this time. Wishing you both an amazing year. ((hug))

    ReplyDelete
  36. I really hope that it works out for you and thanks for posting in Blog Gems x

    ReplyDelete
  37. I found this post through blog gems. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh wow! This reminds me to check in on how you're doing!

    Visiting via the Rewind.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I can see your pregnancy ticker up there so I know this worked out for you. Such a great beginning. Thanks for Rewinding x

    ReplyDelete