Why I'm Not The Model Yoga Student

I've been doing yoga for most of this pregnancy. Prenatal yoga is good for lots of reasons. It helps keep you loose and flexible which is good since most preggos tense up a lot and have aches and pains. It also is supposed to help prepare you for labor (unless you're me and have a scheduled c-section) and help with your recovery afterwards.

It can get a bit crunchy granola at times (nothing wrong with that, just not my thing) with lots of talk about natural childbirth and home births. There can also be some preaching about not letting anyone steal your birth experience from you by scaring you into taking drugs. Again, nothing wrong with this train of thought,,,, but I'll take all the drugs I can get. Overall though, they're a very accepting group and are willing to look past those of us who want to take drugs and have our babies in a hospital. So if they can accept my ideas, I'm willing to accept theirs and the fact that we agree to disagree.

You get to meet other pregnant women and when they're not looking you can compare your bump to theirs. You also get to meet what I like to refer to as "those crazy women" who are still doing yoga when they're 41 weeks pregnant. I'm very mature in my head and my inner voice screams, "Get that baby out of you while it's still alive," and, "What the hell are you doing here, you should be home on the couch" when I see them. But luckily I haven't yet said it out loud so I'm still allowed to attend the class.

One of the benefits of yoga is the relaxation and meditation portion. In pregnancy yoga there is lots of focus on putting your stress and anxiety aside and taking time to bond with your baby. In theory this is a great idea. We lead busy lives and it's important to take time to relax, especially when we're pregnant.

The only problem with this in practice is that when my mind has too much time to think about this baby it starts to get worried. How on earth am I supposed to relax and focus on this baby when I'm so worried about her all the time?? I spend lots of my day trying not to think about how worried I am. I try to distract myself and pretend I'm not, but I am worried... all the time.

So this extra bonding time while great, is time for my mind to go crazy with anxiety. Here's what my inner voice sounded like during today's class when I was supposed to be focusing on my breathing.

"So if anything goes wrong I will just call the hospital and head right down. Wait, I don't have the midwives desk number on my phone. I need to program that in right away because if I call my doctor and he doesn't answer I need to have it. Hmmm, should I call The Hubby before I call the hospital or wait until I'm in the taxi? He might get mad if I don't call him first but if I call him first I'll start crying and then maybe the hospital won't be able to understand me. No, definitely call the hospital first,,,, must get that number programmed in right away. Wait,,,, which part of the hospital do I need to go to? The main building or the consulting rooms where I get my scans done? What if I go to the wrong place? Will my doctor come to me, or will I have to walk across to him? STOP,,, you are in yoga and are supposed to be concentrating on your breathing. You shouldn't be thinking about this right now. Things are fine with Frostina and you are getting yourself all worked up for nothing." 

It's about this time that yoga is over and I'm feeling just as stressed as when I started.

So I'm not the model yoga student, that's for sure.