Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Why I'm Not The Model Yoga Student

I've been doing yoga for most of this pregnancy. Prenatal yoga is good for lots of reasons. It helps keep you loose and flexible which is good since most preggos tense up a lot and have aches and pains. It also is supposed to help prepare you for labor (unless you're me and have a scheduled c-section) and help with your recovery afterwards.

It can get a bit crunchy granola at times (nothing wrong with that, just not my thing) with lots of talk about natural childbirth and home births. There can also be some preaching about not letting anyone steal your birth experience from you by scaring you into taking drugs. Again, nothing wrong with this train of thought,,,, but I'll take all the drugs I can get. Overall though, they're a very accepting group and are willing to look past those of us who want to take drugs and have our babies in a hospital. So if they can accept my ideas, I'm willing to accept theirs and the fact that we agree to disagree.

You get to meet other pregnant women and when they're not looking you can compare your bump to theirs. You also get to meet what I like to refer to as "those crazy women" who are still doing yoga when they're 41 weeks pregnant. I'm very mature in my head and my inner voice screams, "Get that baby out of you while it's still alive," and, "What the hell are you doing here, you should be home on the couch" when I see them. But luckily I haven't yet said it out loud so I'm still allowed to attend the class.

One of the benefits of yoga is the relaxation and meditation portion. In pregnancy yoga there is lots of focus on putting your stress and anxiety aside and taking time to bond with your baby. In theory this is a great idea. We lead busy lives and it's important to take time to relax, especially when we're pregnant.

The only problem with this in practice is that when my mind has too much time to think about this baby it starts to get worried. How on earth am I supposed to relax and focus on this baby when I'm so worried about her all the time?? I spend lots of my day trying not to think about how worried I am. I try to distract myself and pretend I'm not, but I am worried... all the time.

So this extra bonding time while great, is time for my mind to go crazy with anxiety. Here's what my inner voice sounded like during today's class when I was supposed to be focusing on my breathing.

"So if anything goes wrong I will just call the hospital and head right down. Wait, I don't have the midwives desk number on my phone. I need to program that in right away because if I call my doctor and he doesn't answer I need to have it. Hmmm, should I call The Hubby before I call the hospital or wait until I'm in the taxi? He might get mad if I don't call him first but if I call him first I'll start crying and then maybe the hospital won't be able to understand me. No, definitely call the hospital first,,,, must get that number programmed in right away. Wait,,,, which part of the hospital do I need to go to? The main building or the consulting rooms where I get my scans done? What if I go to the wrong place? Will my doctor come to me, or will I have to walk across to him? STOP,,, you are in yoga and are supposed to be concentrating on your breathing. You shouldn't be thinking about this right now. Things are fine with Frostina and you are getting yourself all worked up for nothing." 

It's about this time that yoga is over and I'm feeling just as stressed as when I started.

So I'm not the model yoga student, that's for sure.


  1. i am the same way in yoga. The facts are is that they have experienced less then we have. As my tea-tab says today " Wisdom becomes knowledge when it is personal experience."
    Their personal experiences are SO different then any baby-loss mother. I was one of them once, planning my all natural water birth. next thing i know, everything has changed and now i would happily have an emergency c-section if it meant that i had a baby to take home at the end of it all.

  2. It sounds like Yoga may actually be HARMING your peace of mind!!

  3. I can totally relate to that uneasy feeling that follows you around your entire pregnancy robbing you of so many pregnancy milestone moments. One simple thought turns into a total mental melt down and then the guilt of not being able to totally embrace a perfectl pregnancy. Know that its totally normal to feel this way and you certainly are not the only one that struggles. Have enjoyed reading your blog posts! Hang in there.

  4. WOW! How can you think of so much. During corpse pose I practically nearly always fall asleep. But then again I'm sure my Vinyasa and Hatha classes are very different from prenatal yoga. Contorting my body into crow and just barely making it into handstand for 5 counts is enough to put me out like a light during meditation time. Hang in there you're so close and I applaud you for doing it all the way through.

  5. Breathe... breathe... breathe...

  6. HA! I'm the same, my inner chatterbox goes into overdrive and I end up more stressed then when I started. More flexible, but more stressed!

  7. Know exactly what you mean... i'm like that too in yoga ! It's worth it though... it feels as though the relaxation catches up with me eventually. Love to you and bub xoxo

  8. Well, you're braver than I am! I'm just skipping prenatal yoga this time around...

    We're getting closer and closer :)

  9. I also can't help the panic stricken flow of thoughts... thinking of you and hope you do find something that helps..