Tuesday, 24 May 2011

We Picked a Donor

Well that was easy!

I was so worried about choosing the perfect egg donor. After all, it's not something that you do every day and it's a huge decision. I want to thank all of you who offered me advice on how to make the selection.
In the end here's how we did it.

We gave top priority to a proven donor. As a very wise commenter or two said, everyone has to have a first try, but when so much is on the line it's better to go with someone who has already completed a successful cycle. This donor has a good history. She also has two children of her own so I was able to get some info on how they are doing developmentally and medically.

After that we looked at medical history. I avoided anyone with a history of diabetes (because it's already on my hubby's side) and anyone with too much cancer or heart disease. I know there's no guarantee of anything, but it was important for me to try. In the end I think the donor has a cleaner medical history than I do,,, so in a way I'm trading up!

It was also important to me that the donor looked like she could be part of my family. A couple of her baby photos reminded me of my sister when she was little. Call it vanity or whatever you want, but I want to try and have a child that looks a bit like me.

Lastly we looked at the rest of the profile. Just to get a feel for who she was as a person.

The hubby and I each looked on our own and didn't discuss until we were both done. When we compared notes we had both chosen the same donor!!! It was fate!

So I clicked submit on the database website and now I'm waiting to hear back from the clinic!!!

Oh, and now is when I have to write the VERY big check to the clinic..... yikes!


  1. Ah congratulations on picking the right one for you both. Wishing you a smooth ride from here on in! Looking forward to hearing about the next step of your journey... xx

  2. She's the one! Fate picked her for you. Fingers already crossed for you.


  3. Wow that's amazing!!! Yay so happy for you!!! Can't wait to hear more!

  4. Wow, how exciting! Sounds like you guys did a great job picking. Your balls are starting to fall into place... :)

  5. Good decision making skills! Fingers crossed!

  6. Fabulous that you both came to the same conclusion.

    Great minds and all that.

    Good luck with the next step.

  7. congrats on this big milestone. i look forward to reading about this new journey. wishing you nothing but good news.

  8. Awesome. I'm excited for you that you've made this big decision. So wonderful that you both came up with the same person.

  9. Great news. Best of luck on this next part of your journey. Fingers crossed all the way x

  10. This is so exciting! You seem to have followed a really good plan to make your choice.. and I love that you both chose the same person! Looking forward to hearing what comes next!!

  11. i'm so happy that you both picked the same donor:) i can't wait for you two to "get 'er done!".

    also, i'm curious if mental health history played any role in your decision of donor.

    because honestly, even though i have a mental illness, i would probably exclude someone who had a mental illness to use as a donor.

    that makes me so fucking sad. i have long had dreams of helping other women make their own dreams of having children come true. to know that i can never do that is so difficult to embrace. even more difficult is knowing that i may have genetically effed up my own children...*sigh*...

    enough downer talk...YAY FOR YOU!!!


  12. Princess Andy, to answer your question, yes I did take a look at mental health history as a part of my decision.

    There were only a couple of potential donors who had anything listed and it was mostly mild anxiety or depression. Perhaps the clinic would not accept donors with more serious mental health issues? Or perhaps I just didn't run into anyone who had any.

    That being said, the donor we chose has a sister who has had some anxiety in her past. I didn't consider it a roadblock for choosing her possibly because I've been known to have a panic attack or two myself.

    I probably would have thought twice about a donor with a family history of more severe mental disorders. Just as I avoided donors with too much heart disease or cancer in their families.

  13. I honestly believe it all falls into place. I struggled to get my donor approved by my demanding (for all the right reasons) RE. Then out of the blue, one falls into my lap. We were so happy with her. There is a lot to say about getting on the same page for this.

    Congratulations on completing one giant step.

  14. This was a huge step!!! And Congrats that you found your donor.

    It is not vanity to want the baby to have bits of you, atleast look-wise.

    I may not comment, but I am reading your posts out and I wish you all the very best!

  15. Hi There - I am very happy for you, it sounds like this is some well-deserved happiness. I was conceived via artificial insemination from an anonymous sperm donor. My mother too struggle with infertility and heartbreaking loss for many years so I am by no means insensitive to your position and desires, I would just like to offer that I hope you keep in touch with the donor and make her identity available to your child and when she is ready share with her that while you are 100 percent her mom, she/he has some other individuals that make up her/his genetic heritage. While I love both of my parents, the fact that I have very little chance of ever seeing the face of my biological father is extremely troubling to me. The fact that this was kept a secret for many years is even more troubling. I have connected with 100s and 100s of other donor conceived children and they universally feel the same.

    I wish you the best of luck, enjoy your writing and blog, and will keep you in my thoughts.

    Girl Conceived

  16. Congratulations on picking your donor! That is a big, exciting step! :-)

  17. Congratulations! So wonderful you and the husband both picked the same one.

  18. Congrats! You must be so relieved. x

  19. Congratulations. My best friends went through the same process at Christmas and, after so many difficult IVF cycles, are expecting a baby in September. They also found that the egg donor almost picked herself - some relationships are meant to be. Really hope it works out for you both.

  20. Wow. Thanks for sharing this huge news and all the very best on the journey.
    My much less important reasons are on my new blog at http://celebratingmums.wordpress.com

  21. exciting times - best of luck!

  22. Congratulations on that choice, it seems like it really has to be! I'm crossing all fingers so you don't have to wait too long for word from the clinic. I always think waiting sucks!
    best wishes!