Friday, 20 May 2011

We Have Access!

Yesterday I was given live access to the egg donor database!

It's pretty comprehensive considering we're going the anonymous donor route. I can see some photos of them as a child, their vital statistics, their complete medical history, and a bunch of other stuff too.

Wow, wow, wow, this is really going to happen!

I am now "shopping" for an egg donor. It seems like such a strange concept. How in the world do I even begin?

Do I try and find a donor who looks like she could be related to me?
Do I pick based on what subjects in school she says she was good at?
Do I pick based on medical history (although to be fair, they all have pretty good medical histories)?
Do I pick based on the personal essay?
What happens if the hubby and I can't agree on someone?

It's a huge decision. As much as I'm in a hurry to get started, I also don't want to rush and make the wrong choice.

So if there are any of you who have been through this, or know someone who has,,,, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.



  1. What a difficult choice. Whatever criteria you decide to use, (and for me I would rely on the Gods to decide in some random way!) you know that the outcome will be exactly what it is meant to be. Best of luck xx

  2. What a huge decision! With I knew someone who could share with you, but I can surely say some prayers :)

  3. Whatever method you decide has to come from the heart. What is important to you? Similar looks, a rocket scientist, or someone who hasn't had a major disease in their family for a gajillion years? I'm glad I don't have to decide ;)

    You are going to do great!

  4. Oh wow! That would be a very hard decision! I know that no matter who you choose, your baby will be AWESOME! :)

  5. What a huge moment for you! I'm sure you'll know the right person when you find her. My daughter is my biological child, yet couldn't look more different to me - so maybe a physical similarity isn't the be all, and end all?? Good luck, looking forward to following your journey!! xx

  6. Like said above, this is one tough decision.

    If I were in your shoes I would look over as many if not all donors profiles it over with your hubby, write a two separate lists-one for you, one for him. Come together (pray) and reveal list. You may find that you agree on at least one person. Hope this helps, let us know how it goes.

    Hugs from Oregon,

  7. It's a huge decision agreed. I would say, after the analysis you may do, listen to your heart too. Wish you all the very very best.

  8. Wow such a big choice! I hope your heart leads you straight to the right person! I'll be praying for you.


  9. I have no experience of this but I reckon that you need to follow your heart when making the decision. When you find the right donor you'll just know.

  10. Wow. That must be so beyond weird to be looking at donors... but cool too?

    I guess it really is in your hands on which "kid" you choose considering you got to hand select the DNA!

    That has to be the most interesting thing you'll ever do in your life. Very excited for you guys. Now get that baby cooking!

  11. It must feel like such a bizarre yet fabulous thing to be doing. I'd probably start off thinking I'd be as random as possible but knowing myself I'd start printing things off and making lists and pros and cons. lol

    There is no right and wrong way to decide.

    Not that, that really helps. I just wanted to say thinks for your comment.

    I'm sure you'll make a great decision.

  12. I'm super type-A, so when I started our donor selection, I first made a list of the traits that were most important to us (intelligence indicators, similar ethnicity, good answers to questions and...if possible...someone who looked like me). Then I rated the various donors (grade system) on the things that were on our "important traits" list...thinking I would take the higest scores and put them on our list of potential donors. But a strange thing happened. I found myself making exceptions for one donor...fidging her "scores" to keep her on the list. Slowly I realized, she was the one I wanted. I loved the answers to her questions and I loved that her personality jumped off theh page at me. I felt like she was someone I would befriend. She didn't have a high level of education and she didn't look like me, but something about her was perfect. I convinced my husband that she was a good choice by pointing out that she had a really good cycle her first time donating. In hindsight, picking someone who is a proven donor and has had a good response and good recipient pregnancy rate is probably one of the most important things to consider. Long story short (sorry...not really so short), we're pregnant. She was the right donor for us and we had an amazing cycle with her (as did the other couple who shared her eggs with us). I guess my point is, have an idea of what is important to you, but be flexible if your heart draws you somewhere else. I think our intuition will tell us who is the right fit for us, if we listen. Best of luck! i'm so excited for you.

  13. Picking your donor--who will literally be your child's genetic mother--is such a personal thing. I think as you look at profiles and do some soul searching, what is most important to you will become clear. What that is seems to differ quite a bit from person to person.

    Ultimately, here is what we looked for in a donor: PROVEN (I know everyone has to have a first cycle, but we weren't willing to gamble $30K on an unknown entity), 27 or under (slight decrease in fertility after 27), looks like she could be related to me, no personal or family history of asthma/allergies (both strong in my husband's family).

    That's it. At first, I wanted someone beautiful, intelligent and with the same (varied, European) ethnic background as me, but those things took a backseat after a while. The donor we chose is pretty but not beautiful, made very good grades in school, and is enough like me ethnically for my comfort level.

    Good luck! It's exciting.

  14. Such a hard decision... but like others have said your heart will lead you in the right direction and someone will probably jump out as 'the one'. Thinking of you as you make this big decision. Love always xoxo

  15. I can't even imagine where I would start with that one! What I WISH I would do is just randomly generate a donor. Just pick a number, any number and that's the number it's meant to be! Don't know if I could be that random though... no, probably not. First pick the ones that have successfully, ah, 'sired' before and then... pick the smart one. x

  16. Oh goodness, I can't even imagine. But how very exciting for you. it's so special when you hold your baby in your arms, I can only begin to imagine how much more this would mean to you.

  17. First off, biggest congratulations for going ahead with this. I have no experience of it so no help from me. But I couldn't read and not leave a comment. May the process show itself to you easily so that the painstaking search doesn't feel like it's taking too long. Very best of luck to you and your partner! How exciting.

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  19. Quick comment before I leave for the weekend, but I'll come back to think about this more later. Our history: used an anonymous donor, same one for both our sons (fresh transfer, then an FET 3 1/2 years later). We were kind of looking for someone who had some physical characteristics in common with me, but failing that, ones in common with my HUSBAND. Our thinking was that it would be nice for our children to "plausibly" fit with us--whichever one of us they looked like. The donor's characteristics ended up being much more in line with my husband's family (coloring, weight). As it turns out, my older son looks very much like me, and my younger son like my husband.

    Honestly, though, aside from having a good medical history and reasonably high intelligence, the thing that swayed us toward our donor was her personal essay, which suggested she was very much like us in terms of interests and outlook. From the moment I read about her and got a sense of her personality, I had a strong feeling that she was "it."

  20. Wow, that defnitely sounds like a difficult decision.
    Thinking of you

  21. Trust your gut unless your gut is telling you to use a woman who has not donated successfully in the past. Dont waste your time, money and especially tears on a first time donor. No way.

    In the end, I went for smart and she just so happened to have brown hair (hurrah!) and this was her 4th time donating.

    I have a lot of opinions on this but this is your call Momma.

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  23. Agree with the others: congratulations, trust your instincts, kids are individualistic and quirky enough that twenty years from now you probably won't remember your criteria. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. Awesome news!