I woke up today feeling so very sad. Just when I start to think I'm coping well, I have a day like today. My heart hurts so much. I miss my son, I just want to be able to hold him again, see him again,,,, something,,, anything. But I can't and it's breaking my heart in two. I've spent all morning crying.
When am I going to feel better? When will it stop hurting so much? What am I going to do?
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
I don't think it will ever stop hurting. I don't think we will ever stop missing them. The missing and the aching is our "new normal." So, we won't always notice it as much. It won't always stop us in our tracks. It is a part of us. They are a part of us. I don't want to stop missing my baby. I keep him with me every day. In everything I do, I imagine how it would be if he was here, too.
ReplyDeletePlease visit my blog to read the story of how my little baby died in January 2010.
http://bnjames.blogspot.com
-Bonnie
I think you're right Bonnie, and I am waiting for the day when the pain doesn't stop me in my tracks anymore. I also visited your blog and am so sorry to hear about both your losses.
ReplyDelete