A Fab Lunch and an Awkward Moment

The restaurant was buzzing with well dressed ladies and businessmen, the starters had been served, and I was happily sipping a glass of prosecco. A friend who I had not seen in quite some time wandered over from one of the other tables. Greeting were exchanges, I was happy to see her. Then came the question, "So how's the little one?" I sat there frozen, millions of thoughts racing through my head. She didn't know, how could she not know, what to say, how to say it, and how to say anything without crying in front of everyone?

I will back up a bit and explain. I belong to an expat club here in London. I have met an amazing group of women from all over the world who all find themselves living in the UK. Most of us are trailing spouses (although we do have quite a few English members as well). Giving up jobs and friends at home to support our dear husbands career pursuits in a foreign land. It is a very close knit sorority of women who have become my family away from home.

It was our annual Christmas Lunch which was held at the uber posh Fifth Floor Restaurant at Harvey Nichols in London. Now I know what you're thinking, "All expat ladies do is coffee mornings and posh lunches." I'm not here to promote or discourage any stereotypes about trailing spouses, we do a lot more than champagne lunches.... but today was a champagne lunch.

I've had a super rough time emotionally since returning back from the US. It's like things are hitting me all over again. I think the shock of losing our son has really worn off now and I'm starting to face the reality of life without him. I even missed a Holiday Party over the weekend because I just couldn't bear it (which by the way is highly unusual for me because I love parties). So I was really looking forward to this lunch.

I got dressed up in a super cute tunic, leggings, and knee high boots combo and spent a good amount of time doing my hair and makeup.  I am a girly girl and love a chance to get all glammed up. I had promised myself no tears today because who wants to ruin perfectly applied eye makeup??

There were 36 of us at this lunch so we took up several tables at the restaurant. I did a quick scan of the other tables and saw several women who I hadn't seen in quite some time and  a small number of new faces. But I wasn't worried because this is a group of women who all talk to each other and so I was confident that there wasn't anyone in the room who didn't know what had happened to me. Well, anyone except for some of the newer members who didn't know me at all so wouldn't know that I was pregnant and had lost a baby in August,,, 3 weeks before his due date.

So when this particular women walked over to the table to chat I was happy. I had planned on going over to say hi. I really like her and was going to suggest we get together for coffee (again, I'm not here to support or deny any stereotypes about expat wives) and catch up.

Hugs and greetings were exchanged and then came the question, "So how's the little one?" As I sat there in my frozen state with a shocked look on my face I could see the horror creeping up in here eyes. My lack of ability to answer with the expected, "He's great," was starting to sink in to her. Luckily for me, my dear friend who was sitting right next to me stepped in to save the day. My friend softly whispered something into her ear. I only heard the word "stillborn" but nothing else. The woman looked shocked and tearful and quickly apologized. I assured her that it was OK and that I knew she didn't know (obviously or she wouldn't have asked). She then made her excuses and shuffled off back to her table. My dear friend then turned to me and said in that dry witty way that only the English can pull off, "Well that was awkward."

There is a bit more to tell, but I've got a bunch of stuff to do today so I must get off the computer. More to come later on.