I just got a call from my doctor. They have the final post mortem results back for my son and I need to make an appointment to come see her.
Yikes, I'm a bit nervous.
Now I've just got to coordinate dates with my super busy husband to set the appointment. So far they have not been able to find anything so it's possible that this will also come back as no known cause. But what if they do find something? What if it's something I did, or ate, or drank? Will I be ok with that?? Is it better to know a reason or not??
Really, I need to know but I'm just scared at what the report will say and what that means for us going forward. Watch this space.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
It's never so simple as "you did something and this bad thing resulted" in medicine, thank goodness. Don't let yourself go down that mental path!
ReplyDeleteI am trying my best not to. And of course you are right, it wasn't a simple thing that I did. But at times I think that if it was then at least I would know why. Which I know would not make me feel any better (or worse) about what happened.
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