Tuesday, 30 November 2010

When people you love let you down- part two

Maybe I need to trade my family in for a new one. Or maybe I just need to accept the fact that some members of my family are amazingly self centered. Two weeks ago I posted this story about how someone dear to me had let me down. A couple of days later I retold the story to my sister and explained to her about how upset this incident had made me. She was very supportive and had some very kind words to offer. So what happened last week was doubly surprising because I thought she would have known better.

To start with, I should explain that my sister has always been self centered. Not in a conceited, "I'm better than everyone" way, but more in a "the whole world revolves around me" way. No matter what the situation is or who it should be about, she finds a way to make it about her. So really, this conversation isn't out of character for her, but it upset me nonetheless.

Anyway, after Thanksgiving dinner I went upstairs where my sister was getting her things ready for bed. We had not had any alone time this visit so this was our first time to chat and catch up. Since we were finally away from all the holiday craziness I was expecting (and hoping for) her to ask how I was doing. But instead she decided to take this opportunity to complain to me about unhappy she is and how bad her life is. She was telling me all about her financial troubles and how her husband doesn't help out enough at home. She cried about how she wishes she had more friends and a better job. She spent almost an hour crying about herself and not once did she even think to see how I was doing. I just sat there thinking, "Are you serious?? You think your life is bad?? My baby just died and you're crying because you can't afford to have people for dinner parties??" Of course I sat there and said nothing because that's what I do.

I'm back home now and she has just sent me an email asking me if I'm mad at her. I guess at some point she figured out that I wasn't myself after our very one sided conversation. I don't usually tell her when she upsets me because then she overreacts and somehow finds a way to twist around what I say in a way that makes her the victim. So usually it's easier for me to just ignore it. But something in her email struck me. Two things she said make me think I should reply. One is that she asked me to please reply. The other thing is that she feels like we're drifting apart,, which in a way we are because I am pulling away from her because it can be so exhausting trying to deal with her sometimes.

So I think I will let her know how I feel. Yikes, I may be stepping into a hurricane without a raincoat. Wish me luck.


  1. Hi there,

    I found your blog through Tuesday's Hope and am reading from your start. My Elizabeth died August 22nd and am a newbie too. I am so saddened to read of your son...

    I had to comment on this post, because I too have a younger sister that is the same way self-centered - you best explained by saying how exhausting it is dealing with her. I am lucky and have another who is wonderfully empathic.

    I am also away from home, friends and family - having moved to Australia last July, from the UK. It is tough.

    Sending you strength and love - Tess

  2. I wish we weren't newbies. But we are and it's even more difficult being away from family. Sending strength and love back at ya!

  3. Hi,
    I've been going back in blogs to help with the timeframe of where I am at in my loss. I so related to your post as just last week my hubs and I went to dinner with my sister-in-law. The whole time and discussion was about her relationship that she just ended and all the other drama that she has going on in her life. Not once did she ask how either one of us was doing. I just don't understand how someone can be like that but as you wrote as well it does happen. I just cannot imagine acting like this if the roles or situations were reversed. I am so sorry that your sister behaved that way. I also hope your appointments here in the states are going well. Thanks for your blog as you give me hope.

  4. Hi Shell, I'm so glad my words can give you some hope.