Monday, 11 June 2012

Overjoyed

I am overjoyed.

I know I've already told you this, but I think that's the best word to describe how amazing it feels to finally have Frostina in my arms. I can't think of any other way to describe it. So I won't, I'll stick to overjoyed.

The Hubby and I are overjoyed. This little girl has brought back a feeling of happiness and contentment that I think we both thought we had lost forever. When she was born she came out screaming,,, a beautiful sound,,, and The Hubby and I instantly burst out into tears too. So there we were, the three of us in a chorus of crying. We were surrounded by doctors and midwives and nurses and yet were were alone together in that room. In that special moment it was just the three of us.

The song we were singing was one of pain and loss and relief and joy all at the same time. It's amazing how much tears can communicate. Our tears on that day were a release of two years of grief plus eight years of the pain of infertility. That's ten years of struggling before we have finally been blessed with a living baby. So as you can imagine, there were lots of tears to be shed.

I'm overflowing with love for this little girl. Every morning when I wake up I have this strong need to hold her. To ensure myself she's real. Once I get her in my arms the tears flow. I cry one of those ugly snotty cries. Not because I'm sad, but because I'm so desperately relieved and happy she's here. If she were awake during this time I'm sure she would be wondering what her crazy Mommy is doing. But thankfully she sleeps through my sobs and my tears falling onto her face.

When I look at her little face I feel at peace. I think for the first time since we lost our son I can honestly say that I am able to feel joy again. Real joy and a fresh hope for the future. Please don't think I've forgotten my son who looks down on us from heaven. I haven't and never will. But I think he would want me to be able to feel happiness again. And for the first time in a long time, I think I'm going to be able to.

44 comments:

  1. Congratulations Mommy!!!! So very happy for you and your new family! hugs!

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  2. I've been lurking on your blog for months, waiting for this moment for you. I don't really feel like I truly belong here because my daughter was five when she died, and I didn't suffer the pain of infertility that you and your husband have endured. Still, I recognise so much of what you feel and you express it so beautifully. Congratulations on your wonderful miracle of a daughter (I wish we could know her name!) So, so happy for you both. xxx

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    1. The pain of your loss does not diminish because of your child's age. Saying that you grieve your little girl doesn't in any way diminish your empathy for this family's loss or your joy for their gain. My children were both born healthy. I don't know the pain you feel. But I want to understand it and to offer love and support, and I think that is enough of a reason to be here for both of us.

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  3. Bless your heart. I don't think anyone who reads this would think that you don't adore and love your son just the same, and you haven't forgotten him.

    I know he would want you to be happy.

    Enjoy her, cherish her, you are amazing and you deserve these moments.

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  4. Sob sob, now you've got me all teary. A beautiful post. I don't know how I stumbled across your blog as I have never lost a child but I couldn't help stick around as I wanted to hear you happy ending. Not that this is an ending this is a very happy beginning. I hope you will carry on blogging as I cn't wait to read more about your adventures with little Fostina!

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  5. You have given so many of us hope. I am going through our subsequent pregnancy after loss...and as I stare down at my 21 week belly you give me hope. Hope that joy returns, hope that we will not be stuck in grief forever. Thank you for sharing!

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  6. This is beautiful. Congratulations!!!

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  7. Oh, Congratulations Mama! I am so happy to hear that she is here alive and safe in your arms. Such wonderful news. Again, Congratulations!!! xx

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  8. Oh, Congratulations Mama! I am so happy to hear that she is here alive and safe in your arms. Such wonderful news. Again, Congratulations!!! xx

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  9. this post gave me chills. i understand that feeling well. so excited for you. thinking of you all...

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  10. Hurray! I am so glad she made it safely into your loving arms!

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  11. Such a beautiful post, so so happy for you. Must be so amazing. And I must say, this is what keeps me going, to experience just that new life, and all the promises of a joyful future ahead. Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment.

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  12. I am SO happy for you!!! Congratulations :o)

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  13. I am so thrilled and relieved and filled with joy for you...and hope for me! What a blessing this little girl is. I can't wait to hear more! <3

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  14. And that is everything it so should be :)

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  15. :) So thrilled for you. :)

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  16. I am so very happy for your family!! xoxo

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  17. I'm so happy for you! I am thankful that you blog and share your experiences with us. Hugs and enjoy-
    Felicia

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  18. So happy for you! I know these feelings - and the crying - so well.

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  19. Big tears! So much love, I can feel it through the universe. I am so thrilled for your joy and your release and your daughter. This post gives me hope and I am sending a giant hug. Keep loving and kissing and crying and being thankful.

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  20. This is a beautiful post, I'm so glad frostina is here safe!

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  21. Wonderful wonderful post. Tears of joy. x

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  22. Hold onto that joy, and let it carry you through. I don't think for a moment that you have forgotten your son. Rather, I think that you are giving your daughter her own place in your heart, one which is no less important than her big brother's.

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  23. It warms my heart to read this. I'm just smiling from ear to ear for you. Congrats again.

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  24. So happy to read this. Thanks for being a light at the end of my tunnel, and wishing you continuous joy!

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  25. Reading these words soothes my soul. I'm so very happy for you.

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  26. Congratulations. I'm so thrilled that you are getting to experience such joy. It doesn't seem possible that it could get any better...but it does. Enjoy your sweet baby girl.

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  27. Hooray! Best news all day! I am so happy for all three of you.

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  28. Well-deserved joy! You give us all hope <3

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  29. WOOHOO, So excited that your beautiful little rainbow is now in your arms. I have goose bumps. Enjoy every moment. Take all the extra time in the world just to hold onto your baby and cuddle for a little longer.
    Woohoo, WOOHoo, jumping up and down or bouncing on my computer chair for you. Congratulations you have now made it to the next part of the journey....

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  30. Overjoyed...what a beautiful word!! And so seldom associated with us BLMs - I'm so glad you've gotten to feel that again. Soak it up. Will stay tuned to your posts as you take us through the ongoing journey of parenting your son AND your daughter. :)

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  31. So happy for you to share in your joy. :)

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  32. I love this post. I love to know that this moment exists. I am so so glad you and your hubby have found this feeling of being overjoyed! Tears fill my eyes to know you are so happy after such a long time to get there! I can't wait to have this myself and this post fills me with inspiration and hope knowing it exists! xxoo Di

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  33. Beautiful way to describe it - just the 3 of you.

    I bet the joy is amazing. Just amazing, isnt it?

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  34. I don't think it is even possible for me to express just how happy for you I am. And how hopeful for myself. Your joy is contagious, and I have no doubt that Jason and I will get our happy ending, too. And like you, we will never forget River, but we will be filled to overflowing with joy and peace at having a baby who will stay with us. Love and peace to you. Keep enjoying every moment with your precious little girl.

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  35. I am overjoyed for you all.
    xo

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  36. Congratulations! I'm so very happy for you! I totally understand the tears, I've been there too. I know I don't have to tell you this, but for lack of anything else to say: keep enjoying every second with your little miracle.:)

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  37. Understand everything you posted here. It really is unreal to see them there sleeping and breathing and living. It's amazing. Again so happy for you :)

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  38. This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read.

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  39. Here from CDLC. Congratulations again!

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