Well we have been home for just over a week and life is hectic. I am slowly learning to adjust to a life that is dictated by feeding schedules. Frostina is doing great. She eats every 3-4 hours and does a bit of crying and sleeping in between. She is an absolute doll and I love her more each time I look at her.
She has also been spending a bit of time in her activity center,,, which she loves. It's amazing to me that she can already focus a bit on the brightly colored stuffed toys hanging from it. She also tracks our faces when we talk which gives us a chance to stare into her beautiful blue eyes. They make us melt. I want so badly to put her into her baby bouncer and the baby bjorn
carrier but she's still too small for them, so for now it's just the
activity center and tummy time and her moses basket.
She is already Daddy's little girl. They spend lots of skin to skin time which is sooooo cute. I can't decide who enjoys the time more, Daddy, Frostina, or me. All I know is that The Hubby is a great Dad and we're both lucky to have him.
I am struggling a bit with the lack of sleep. Part of the problem is that I'm also struggling with breastfeeding. I don't have enough milk and Frostina isn't good at latching on. So it's a continual cycle. As a result I've been pumping to get more milk. I hate the pump!
Because Frostina is still a tiny little thing (just over 5 lbs) we have to worry about her losing too much weight. So at the moment she's getting two bottles. One of expressed breast milk (which I have to pump at every feed), and one of formula. It's a lot of work because basically I'm breastfeeding (well, trying to) and bottle feeding. That's two bottles for every feed plus a pumping session afterwards.
The result is one tired Mommy!! Sleeping in 1-2 hour bursts is not something I'm good at.
Yesterday I had a major meltdown spewing my hatred for the breast pump. I was ready to throw in the towel on the whole breastfeeding thing. I am just frustrated that I've failed so miserably at it so far. I really want to breastfeed but had no idea just how difficult it would be for me. Something needed to change, and fast.
So we came up with a new strategy. I do all of the above for every feed except for the first night feed which is usually around 11pm. That feed The Hubby and my Mom will do without me. So I get almost 6 hours of sleep if all goes well.
We tried this for the first time last night and I already feel like a new woman!!
I'm sure there's a ton more to update but my brain is mush and I need to hurry up and eat and shower before she wakes up and I'm back on Mommy duty!
*Oh, and The Hubby has expressed an interest in doing a guest post here on the blog so watch out for that.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
I've just spent 5 months struggling through the w hole pumping/small baby/not enough milk/feeding is hard thing. It was tough but we made it work well enough in the end. If you want an ear, please shout. I'd be only too happy to listen.
ReplyDeleteI dealt with the SAME thing. Even tried a supplement to increase production. I couldn't take it anymore after two weeks. Once I got the green light from my pediatrician that it was time to throw in the towel, I did. Felt terribly guilty at first, but it was making me so sad and depressed. I hope things get better soon on that end of things. Glad y'all are all so happy!
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is terribly hard. Took a good 12 weeks before it settled down with Angus, and I know that must seem incredibly intimidating now, as in those early weeks, 12 weeks sounds like a LONG time. And it is, when you're up day and night and chained to a pump with a screaming baby. Stick at it, mix feed, or stop all together - it doesn't matter. You have to do what works for you, not what someone else thinks is best for you. You know your baby, you know what's best. And the main thing is, that she's loved. And she most certainly is! You're doing a fab job - not failing in the slightest.
ReplyDeletexo
Those first days home with baby are so magical. Remember that most new moms have trouble breastfeeding at first. I sure did! I had a lactation consultant come to the house and it helped immensely. I went on to nurse all 3 of my kiddos for over a year each.
ReplyDeleteBut remember too, there is nothing wrong with giving your baby formula. You are not a failure if breastfeeding doesn't work for you (or her). The only thing that matters is a healthy baby. So do what works best for both of you. xx
The first few weeks always seem like months and believe it or not your body will actually start to adapt to the deprivation, but the brain mush stays unfortunately. Do what is best for you and baby. Happy mommy=happy baby and vice versa :)
ReplyDeleteyou probably DO have enough milk. Breast fed babies feed an average of every 2-4 hours round the clock - that is normal. AND it's not uncommon for a baby to get more from a breast than a pump can.
ReplyDeleteFind someone who can help you with the latching on. Unfortunately I don't live close enough to come and help you. See if someone can teach you to feed in the "rugby hold" position, it's an easier position for some babies. And the first few weeks are the hardest as feeding is something you both learn together.
You could try a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS) to help stimulate your milk production... The pumped milk or formula goes in a container with a small tube attached that gets taped to your nipple. Frostina then nurses but has the added supplement from the tube, which may prompt her to suck more, triggering your body to produce more milk. Breastfeeding is all about supply and demand, so the more you bottle-feed the less your body thinks it has to produce.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I know it's hard. My milk took 6 days to come in after my C-section and I was a wreck. The SNS tube was a miracle for us!
Breast feeding can be hard sometimes. Be gentle with yourself. You guys will get your groove. Great idea giving over the first night feeding!
ReplyDeleteI think Hope's Mama is right on track. Stick at it, mix feed, or stop completely. It doesn't matter. It doesn't make you any less of a wonderful mother. It's most important not to beat yourself up over this. In the grand scheme of hopefully Frostina's long life, this won't matter when she's 12. Or even 2 for that matter. ;)
ReplyDeleteIt took me a solid 6 weeks to feel like I had the hang of things and B was finally latching well and actually getting enough food. I HATED pumping. So much that B is 17 weeks and I just picked up my pump again since he was 2 weeks old. I couldn't bear to use the stupid thing as I literally cursed at it taking 45 minutes to produce less than a measly ounce. I was surprised to see that yesterday I produced 3 ounces in 5 minutes! Quite the shock.
Wishing you all the best...
Sorry the breastfeeding has been so hard. Have you tried any of the teas that help with lactation. I have a friend who wasn't producing enough and she began drinking the Organic Mother's Milk Tea and it has done wonders for her. Her milk production started increasing right away.
ReplyDeleteThe specific brand she uses is the Sike mother's milk.
ReplyDeleteI breastfed my previous babies with few problems (a few crached nipples and blocked ducts aside..) but the one who was born after J died was tricky and emotionally layered. Your mind needs to be at peace for the milk to flow, and peace is an elusive emotion after loss isn't it? If you can bear it, it's worth trying to break through the pain barrier but NOT to the point of upsetting yourself - nothing is worth that at this stage. Brilliant that you're doing mixed feeding - it's what I did with C. Having those few hours at the start of the night and being able to sleep at 8pm if you want to, is a lifesaver. The only thing I can say is, don't be rigid, you're not a failure if you stop. Looking after yourself first and foremost is giving little Frostina the best Mummy she can imagine. You're doing fantastically.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain with the expressing pump. I had to express for four months with my preemie and when i bought her home i did one bottle a day.I have tips to help with your milk flow. Eat lots of chocolate, drink lots of water and feed frostina as often as possible!
ReplyDeleteI found that using a hand pump from AVENT is much better than using double electric pump from Medela. Also hot wet cloth on boobies for 10mins and then massage them for 10mins helps to make them blander and easier to extract from. Drinking a lot and only warm tea preferably. Aniz is great or chamomille. Hope it gets better and don't worry she must be getting enough milk if she can go on for 3-4hrs. Mine wants to eat every 2hrs day and night and I do have enough of milk.;)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for your baby girl. So glad you and your h are enjoying her to the fullest.
ReplyDeleteI too have issues with milk and it's mostly formula for twins :(
Somehow, I'm not happy feeding them formula, but I have no choice
I'm.going through a lot of similar stuff to you. I'm also finding breast feeding a big challenge. I also don't enjoy the pump but I have to get him fed so what else can I do. Looks like u have figured out some solutions though, wishing you all the best - good feeds and good sleep.
ReplyDeletePlease don't use the word "failed". Sounds to me like you're doing a really good job.
ReplyDeleteThe tiredness is the worst part of new motherhood, it really is. I like your strategy - having someone else do one feed so that you can get a few hours of sleep in. Well done for coming up with that. I think it takes most new mums a lot longer to address the issue in a sensible way.
I HATED my breast pump !! But it served it's purpose ! Yes, you must get as much sleep as possible. Great that you have family who are helping out. Blessed x
ReplyDeletehttp://myfroley.blogspot.com
When you are tired it all seems a bit much. Please don't think you are failing. You have a lovely lil baby how can that be a failure. Some times it takes a while to find your feet. Get help and advice from your health visitor regarding the breast feeding. However, it there comes a time when its not feel enough is enough you can combination feed. I now the health visitors are not a big fan of that but at least she will have some breast milk and that has to better than none. Having said that their kids who only have formula and they are perfectly healthy. Give your self some time, to make your decision.
ReplyDeleteLooking fwd to hubby's take on the experience.
Best wishes to you all :0)