I can't believe that in a couple of days my little Frostina will be 4 months old. I'd like to say that the time has flown by but that would be a lie. Life with a colicky baby moves at a snails pace. You find yourself counting down the days until the crying passes. Everyone tells you that 12 weeks is when that happens. So you wait and you wait and you wait.
Then at 12 weeks it happens! The colic passes just like everyone tells you it will. It's like magic. And it's wonderful.
She is like a different baby now. She's happy and playful and mostly only cries when she needs something. We've been getting out more now and doing fun things like baby groups and gymboree. She loves gymboree, especially the bubbles. She opens her mouth like she wants to eat them,,,, it's so cute.
She has just barely started to grab things and I'm still amazed each time I see her do something new. She has almost outgrown her moses basket so we've been putting her in her crib (cot bed) now. I was quite nervous about that, but with the video monitor with it's night vision I can actually see her better now in the dark than I could before. So if the need strikes (which it still does) I can watch her breathing in the middle of the night.
Back in December of 2010 I was experiencing a different 4 month milestone. It was 4 months since my son was born still. I wrote about it here. The two experiences couldn't be more different. 4 months out from the death and birth of my son vs 4 months out from the live birth of my daughter. The same amount of time.... yet completely different emotions.
I still think about him all the time. What he would be like. What he would look like. What kind of big brother he would have been to Frostina.
I saw a woman walking yesterday with a little boy who was about the age my son would have been. She was also pushing a buggy with a little girl who looked the same age as Frostina.
I started to cry when I saw them walking in front of me. They were a picture of what could have been. What should have been. What will never be.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
I'm so happy Frostina is no longer colicky. Yay Frostina! I can't imagine how hard it must be at times. I truly can not imagine. Sending love. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh...I understand your pain when you saw that other woman. I think the same thing when I see a baby girl that is the age of Leia. I just have to honor and remember her in my way and go on with life, especially for Landon. Big hugs and hang in there. It is so much FUN at the four month mark and it only gets better.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that the colic stage is through. I hope things only continue to look up. hugs-
ReplyDeleteFelicia
I just cannot make myself think it at the moment. I feel bad but my mind has just shut the door on what houlding be. If Freddie were here we would not have Bene, end of story. It's such a painful set of emotions that my mind simple will not walk the steps.
ReplyDeleteI am so please you get to at least experience how it should be, even with what should not be in the picture too. I have been happy for you every time I have visited.
So glad the colic has passed. Enjoy Frostina. I am sorry that mom reminded you of what could have been - it must have been so painful.
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ReplyDelete