Unlike most years, it won't be just the two of us. My parents arrive today for a 2 week visit. In addition, we have invited some expat friends over for Christmas dinner. Because of the nature of The Hubby's job we always have to be home at Christmas time. As a result, since living over here we usually spend it on our own. I am looking forward to having a house full this year. I think it will help to make things feel less lonely and more like Christmas.
Now if only I can find my Christmas spirit.
We will have a house full of guests, food, and Christmas cheer. The Hubby is absolutely buzzing with enthusiasm and excitement, but I'm not sure I'm feeling it just yet. I want to feel it, but I'm not quite there yet.
I approach this Christmas with mixed feelings. I'm sad of course that we will be spending our second Christmas without our son. He would have been old enough this year to rip open presents and try to take the ornaments off the tree. I'm sure we would have spoiled him and got him way too many presents. Somehow I think this time of year will always feel empty without him.
We had lots of tears this year when we hung his ornaments on the tree. I wonder if that will happen every year? I suppose it probably will.
I also have been thinking a lot about the fact that I am pregnant again this year. This means that I have spent 2 of the last 3 holiday seasons pregnant. This time around it feels as much like the best gift ever as it did the first time. A little miracle just waiting to be born. I don't have the same sense of unbridled joy this time around. I suppose that's because this time my joy is mixed with my grief.
But it does give me hope. Hope that next year we will have a living child to share Christmas with. It is with that sense of hope that I'm doing my best to get into the spirit this year. Because we deserve to be happy, especially after all we've been through.
I hope you have a happy holliday and visit.
ReplyDeleteHoping that you have a happy holiday season with your family and loved ones close. Thinking of your little boy as well and I believe he will be watching over you both.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you...
ReplyDeleteWishing you a peaceful Christmas. I hope it helps to have family in town. And I think this is the season for holding memories close, but also hoping for the future. It makes sense that it would be very bittersweet for you. Hopefully as the years go by, it will start to feel increasingly sweet.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little slow in getting into the spirit this year as well. I think my head is wrapped up in my pregnancy and stuck there. I'm hoping that by Christmas day I get my head out of the clouds.
ReplyDeleteI think every Christmas is bittersweet. I always think of how much I miss my grandparents during Christmas. I shed tears when I hang the ornaments they gave me. I definitely have more sweet than bitter these past few years. I hope that 2012 is the sweetest for you so far :)
I hope you can gain some Christmas spirit. I need some for myself, too. I have tried playing Christmas music, and that doesn't work. I put up SOME Christmas decorations, but not enough to really constitute calling it decorating...
ReplyDeleteI pray that 2012 brings a baby into your lives. A baby that you can hold in your arms and cuddle and kiss.
I hope and pray you can get the Christmas spirit. I know for me I love it, but there will always be that little something missing....
ReplyDeleteSaw your news on LFCA ... sending you love and light, and so many good thoughts for the months ahead! I, too, hope that next Christmas there is a wonder-filled child gazing up at your tree. :)
ReplyDeleteSending hugs. I'm sure that very precious boy is watching over you and excited about the new life that is to be. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas.
ReplyDeleteNew follower from the Hop.
ReplyDeleteWould ♥ a follow back
http://sewcraftable.blogspot.com
I wishing you lots of ear to ear cheer. Though I know you will never get over your son not being there, his spirit is with you and watching over you and your new blessing that grows within you. I'm praying that 2012 brings you a happy, healthy, take home baby.....and me too.
ReplyDeleteSending you warm thoughts during the holidays and know that your son is surrounding you every moment in spirit :) Wishing you all the best with this pregnancy! Enjoy your blog so far and looking forward to future posts. Now a follower, please feel free to follow back :)
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www.twitter.com./yeewittlethings
Hello, I am your new follower via Mingle Monday!
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I hope you're able to find your holiday spirit, I'm sure its not easy knowing your little boy isn't there with you. I'll be thinking of you and your family on Christmas and praying for a healthy happy 6 more months til the little one arrives!
ReplyDeleteAwesome blog. I am a new follower from the hop and feel free to follow back. Merry Christmas and God bless.
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Rachel
Wishing you an early Merry Christmas! Stopping by from Mom Blog MOnday bloghop!
ReplyDeleteThe Twerp & I
Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and a really good year to come.
ReplyDeleteHiya
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you x
My journey is similar yet different, and I just want to send you a big hug of empathy and love.
I will become a follower :-)
Happy Crimbo x
Dear expat, there is always sadness but it becomes easier.... I think we get used to it? maybe. My thoughts and hopes are with you. When I light the Christmas candle tonight you will be in my thoughts.
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