Entering The World Of Normal Pregnant Women

I'm well into my second trimester and have been feeling well. All the nausea is gone and the bouts of exhaustion only come ever so often. So I figured it was time to drag my lazy self to pregnancy yoga. It's a big step for me because it's one of the things that I really enjoyed during my last pregnancy. The Hubby is thrilled that I'm doing yoga and also having sessions with my personal trainer again. He's always encouraging me to embrace this pregnancy and sees this as a step in the right direction.

By taking this step I'm not only joining the world of "normal" pregnant women, but I'm also acknowledging that this pregnancy is actually moving forward. I've been in denial for so long about being pregnant, but with my growing bump and all the movement Frostina has been doing lately denial really isn't an option anymore.


The thing about entering the world of normal pregnant women is the fact that I have a different history and viewpoint than most of them. This of course isn't obvious to the casual observer. I'm sure that if you peeked into the room during class you would simply see a group of pregnant women doing yoga. As crazy as I may feel sometimes, from the outside I look like just another pregnant woman. As a result, other pregnant women talk to me like I'm one of them.

This is fine for the most part, but there are times when I'm reminded that my story is not like most. At the beginning of each class the instructor asks each of us our name, how far along we are, and if we are having any aches or pains she needs to know about. My first time there she also asked me if this was my first baby.

Ugh, that innocent question that stabs all baby loss mom's in the heart.

Of course this question was asked in front of all the other pregnant students. My answer, "Well this isn't my first pregnancy." She seemed to get the message and moved right on. Phew!

Then there was last week's class. There was a new woman who announced that she was 8 weeks pregnant. Eight weeks pregnant and already attending pregnancy yoga?? At 8 weeks I was pretty much couch bound fighting waves of nausea and taking lots of naps. It turns out she is a yoga instructor as well and works at the studio. She said she was worried about outing herself but really wanted to get started doing pregnancy yoga. The instructor nodded and said some encouraging words. Everyone in the class smiled and nodded.

Inside my head I was screaming, "You're only 8 weeks and you're already so sure of this pregnancy that you've enrolled in a course of pregnancy yoga classes? Do you have any idea how risky this all is? Not only are you being smug (I'm judgemental in my head) about things but you're also at your place of work. So if things go wrong, then everyone at work will know."

She of course couldn't hear my mind screaming and proceeded to perform all the yoga moves better than the rest of us while flaunting her super slim and bump free body. 

Then there's this little gem. I know a woman through my expat club who I'm attending yoga with. She's 34 weeks pregnant with her third baby. I don't know her very well yet, but I get the idea that she's not had any struggles getting or staying pregnant. The reason I think this is because she was complaining to me that she really wants her body back because for the past 5 years she's either been pregnant, breastfeeding, or taking a break between trying again. No mention of any delays or issues.

She also seemed shocked that I had to do IVF to get pregnant. It must be nice to live in a world where you are surprised that others struggle to get pregnant.

She mentioned in class that she was feeling this numbness in her inner thighs in the morning before class. She told the instructor that she felt that same numbness right before going into labor with her two sons. She asked the instructor what she thought. The instructor said that if that's a sign of labor for her than maybe she should call her midwife.

After class this woman told me that she wasn't expecting the instructor to tell her this. She had been hoping for some reassurance that it was no big deal. I asked her if she was going to call the midwife. She told me that she was going to wait until Friday (our class was on Tuesday) when she had a scheduled appointment. I was shocked at her calm demeanor. I asked her if she was concerned and she told me that she was far enough along that she wasn't worried about going into labor early.

Again my head was screaming, "You're only 34 weeks! That's too early! Your daughter's lungs won't be fully developed until 37 weeks. How can you be so calm about all this? Why are you here at yoga and not at your midwives office getting checked out?"

At that moment I remembered that she lives in a different world than I do. In her world, you get pregnant and have your baby,,,, simple. Things may not go exactly to plan, but they always work out in the end. I didn't share my fear and paranoia with her because she didn't ask and I don't know her well enough to spew my unsolicited advice on her. Instead I told her to keep an eye on things and if the numbness continues or she gets worried to call her midwife.

I'm sure all will be well with her and her baby. As they do with most pregnant women. Because in the world of normal pregnant women things always go well. Perhaps not exactly to plan, but tragedy doesn't touch them. So she won't have to be worried. Oh how I wish I could go back to that world.

The London Marathon

Today was the London Marathon. I volunteered to help cheer on the team running for Great Ormond Street Hospital. For those of you who don't already know, Great Ormond Street is an amazing children's hospital here in London. So when I found out they needed people to help cheer their runners, I jumped at the chance.

They gave us these bright purple T-Shirts to wear. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead in a bright purple T-Shirt, but for today I made an exception.

We got these purple inflatable noisemakers to help cheer the runners on. They were actually a lot louder than they look.

Every time we saw a runner wearing these tops we cheered like crazy!

It was an amazing day. We cheered for wheelchair racers, racers with prosthetic limbs, and even racers wearing some crazy costumes.

Oh, and we also cheered for my friends husband who was running for a different charity. 

I felt inspired! But not inspired enough to run a marathon,,,,, I'm not that crazy!

This post is my way of participating in Natasha's Happy List Saturdays even though I'm a day late.

Taking a Day Off

I am taking today off!

"From grief?" you may ask hopefully. Now wouldn't that be a nice trick. No it's not from grief.

"From work?" you may ask. Nope, you have to have an actual paying job in order to take a day off from work.

I am taking the day off from my exercise and diet plan. That's right. For one day only I am going to pretend I'm not trying to lose weight and get in shape. For one day only I am going to be lazy and eat whatever I want.

Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm back on the wagon.

Yesterday I was not in a good place you can read about it here if you want to. I woke up in a bad mood and spent the entire day cleaning my house, doing laundry, and crying.

It was one rip-roaring pity party for one. Be glad that none of you were invited to attend. The end result was a clean house, a clean me (yes, I actually showered), and one very grateful husband. So grateful in fact that he even washed all the dishes after dinner so as not to mess up the freshly cleaned kitchen.

This morning I woke up with a better perspective. My house no longer resembled a war zone, and the laundry was no longer spilling out of the basket and onto the floor. It's amazing how a clean house can make you feel. But there was still the nagging guilt about my weight loss (or lack thereof) and the cycle of guilt it's causing. So rather than beat myself up about again today, I decided I needed a day off.

So I ate that croissant at my morning meeting. Then at lunch I allowed myself to have the absolutely decadent and decidedly naughty Croque Monseiur. Never had one??? Here's a photo of one.

Not exactly diet food.

It's basically a grilled ham and cheese sandwich with extra cheese and bechamel sauce poured over the top. Mmmmmmm. I also didn't exercise today.

Do I feel guilty? Not a bit. Which is a change because normally if I eat something bad (good) or don't exercise I beat myself up over it. But not today. Today I have the day off!

This Week I'm Grateful For

I've been through a lot these past few months and it's easy to get caught up in the sadness and the grief. So when I saw this idea over at Maxabella loves I just knew I had to participate. I need to spend more time thinking about the things that are good in life. Even through all this grief, I have things to be grateful for.

So here goes. This week I'm grateful for....

• Exercise- I started doing it to try and lose the jelly belly that pregnancy leaves behind. One thing I didn't realize is how much better I feel now. Not just physically but mentally. I can feel my dark mood lifting the more I get out there and sweat. It's like free therapy, and it also helps you get rid of the jelly belly. Mine is still here, but it's losing a bit of it's wobble.
• Friends- I have the most amazing friends who have really supported me. I don't know what I would do without them, especially since my family lives in a different country than I do.
• Wine- My husband will laugh when he sees this one. Wine is like magic. It brings people together. It makes anything more fun. There are so many different kinds of wine so you never get bored. There's always a good reason to have wine. It's complex and interesting and I love learning more about how it's made. Oh, and I also really like to drink it! : )

Enjoying a glass in Bordeaux, France