Warning, this is a rant. I have not taken the time to breathe or relax before sharing this info. The hubby is out of town and it's after 10 here in London so too late to call up a friend. So you, my internet friends will be the first to hear my rant.
I just got off the phone with my mother in law (who manages to always call when the hubby is away). I should start off by giving a bit of background to our relationship. She is not a particularly warm and fuzzy lady. It's just not her way. She tends to say what's on her mind without thinking about how her words may affect others. She's like this with everyone, not just with me.
It's fair to say that over the years she has said many things that have hurt my feelings. I'm not sure she means to be so hurtful, but she just doesn't get it sometimes. The hubby is quite aware of this fact and always does his best to give me hugs and reassurance. She is who she is, and she's in her 70's and isn't likely to change.
So really I shouldn't be surprised that she has an opinion about the fact that we are trying for another baby. Really, because when the hubby told her a few months ago her response was, "Oh, No!"
Tonight she asked me how things were going. I did my best to bring her up to speed without confusing her with all the medical lingo. She listened and then said, "Wouldn't it be easier to adopt?" So I had to explain that as expats we can't adopt a British child and went into how complicated it would be to adopt either a US or international child. I didn't get into the fact that we aren't ready to consider adoption yet. That we want to try and have our own baby. That we hate it when people think we should just give up on our dreams because of the false notion that adoption is so much easier and cheaper.
She tells me, "Well if this doesn't work then you should just call the whole thing off. You're not getting any younger you know." Then she goes on to tell me about how nature intended for us to have babies when we are young and healthy. That when we get old our nerves can't handle raising kids.
At this point I am crying but trying not to let her hear it. I have a million responses running around my head but somehow managed not to say any of them. I just listened and said things like, "I see."
Then she asked how my parents feel about the whole thing. I told her that they are very supportive and that they really want a grandchild.
To which she said, "Don't they already have one?? Doesn't your sister have a little girl?"
At this point my head is spinning and the tears are really flowing. "Did she really just say that to me," I ask myself?? Is she really suggesting to me that my parents shouldn't be excited about having a grandchild by us because they already have one by my sister?
I wanted to scream to her that my parents just want me to have a baby that I can take home. They want a grandchild that they can actually see, and hold, and play with. Not just one that they can pray to at night. Does she really not get it?
Not once during this whole conversation did she ask how the hubby and I are coping without our son.
Instead she shares this gem with me. "Maybe this is nature's way of telling you something."
Really??? Like what? That we aren't fit to be parents? That some woman who is addicted to crack and has had 4 children born addicted to drugs is more equipped to raise a child than us? That some irresponsible girl who gets pregnant and doesn't know who the father is more worthy to have a baby than we are? What exactly is nature trying to tell me???
I would love to be able to say that I ripped her a new one and told her where to shove her opinions. But as always, I simply smiled and just took it. I asked about how she is doing and how my father in law is doing and about their upcoming vacations. I was the good, loving daughter in law.
But inside I am fuming!
Hello Grief provides information and resources about grief in order to break through the current culture of avoidance that surrounds death and loss. Instead, Hello Grief addresses bereavement head-on for those who are helping others cope, as well as those who need support on their own personal journey with grief. In a world that doesn't get it, we do.
