Have you even seen those Timehop posts on you friend's Facebook pages? You know the ones that show cute photos from the same time last year, or the year before that? Well I did and was super excited to download the app. Basically every day you get a rundown of your posts from social media from previous years.
I have been using it and finding it very entertaining. Photos from two years ago with Frostina in an outfit that Olea is now wearing. Posting cute comparison photos of them learning to eat finger food. Catching glimpses of my life pre-children.
It was all going so well until yesterday.
Five years ago yesterday is when I announced my pregnancy with my son on Facebook. Yesterday when I opened up the app, I saw that announcement in all it's glory. I was so happy then and the post was all gushy and sentimental. I had no idea what was to come.
Seeing that glimpse of my former self on an app was soul crushing. Now I think I may have to delete it because I'm not sure I can take a whole year of my 5 year ago pregnancy bump photos and funny pregnancy stories. I certainly don't want to have to relive the day we had to share our loss.
I suppose it says something about where I am in my grief journey that it didn't even occur to me that this would happen when I downloaded it. A few years back I'm sure that would have been my first thought. So there's that I guess.
In the meantime I suppose I just need to delete my fun new app.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
I could have written this post. Downloaded in January. Then February came around and I saw the fit hit the shan on my facebook account 3 years ago. Stupid internet and its cataloging of things.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
No, don't relive everything. That's not going to help you at all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this.
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