There are lots of ways that this cycle feels very much like the ones we did a couple of years ago. I have dug out my Bag 'O Meds from the garage and filled it up with a new batch of medication, needles, cotton balls, alcohol wipes, bandaids, and of course my sharps container. I have printed my injection schedule and am crossing off the days as they go.
I'm feeling like I remember feeling the last time I started on all the hormones. I have been crying at stupid things like X-Factor. Not that X-Factor is stupid of course, but it's nothing to cry over. I'm nervous and excited just like last time as well.
But this cycle is very different than last time for one huge reason; and that reason is Frostina.
It is very different going through an IVF cycle when you have a living child to take care of. The last time around I was broken and lonely and absolutely desperate for a living child. Not just to fill the hole left in my heart when my son died, but to finally complete our family. I spent hours upon hours obsessing over every detail of my upcoming cycle. I had everything mapped out. I had a special place to do my injections and quite a bit of mental warm up before each one. I was focused.
This time around I just don't have the time to be obsessed. I don't have the time to calm myself mentally before doing each injection. I don't have time to focus. This time around I have to work them around Frostina and her needs.
This means that my daily injections look a bit like this.
- Wait until after Frostina has finished her morning milk. Otherwise she will run around the room with her sippy cup leaving a trail of milk in her wake.
- Put a children's program on the TV (hooray for the electronic babysitter).
- Quickly dash out of the room when she's not looking and go to my bedroom.
- Collect Bag 'O Meds from the closet (where I have to hide it from Frostina).
- Unpack meds and do injection.
- If Frostina starts crying before I'm done, try my best to ignore her and hurry up.
- Clean up, making sure not to leave anything behind that Frostina can get her hands on.
- Go back out to the living room and hope she hasn't managed to get into anything she wasn't supposed to when I was gone.