I apologise for the lack of posts about my IVF cycle. For some reason I'm having a tough time expressing my feelings about it. Not just here in this space, but in real life as well. I'm operating as if I'm not really doing this.
As if I'm not actually injecting myself with hormones that make me crazy tired and crazy emotional. As if I'm not a week away from getting updates on my donor's progress. As if I don't have a schedule that includes an estimated embryo transfer date. As if I don't have to fly to the US for transfer in a few short weeks. As if we're not putting all our hopes and dreams into this.
Because we are, and I am.
But for whatever reason, I'm not allowing myself to focus on it too much. I don't know if it's because I'm just too busy with Frostina, or if it's something else. All I know is that I want it just as much as when we were trying to conceive my son, and as much as when we were trying to conceive Frostina. I just can't bring myself to think about it too much.
It's strange.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
It's hard to admit you want something so much, I think.
ReplyDeleteI hope this "strange" cycle ends up being a total rockstar of a cycle! :)
I hope things go according to how the tentative hard to imagine schedule says it should go. xoxo
ReplyDeleteGood luck. I am crossing everything for you guys.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's easier to cope if you are feeling detached. Whatever will help you through! Good luck and am thinking of you.
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