What happens when a blog you follow suddenly feels like it's not real? When it suddenly starts to read like fiction? When you go back into the archives and start to wonder if any of the horrible things that have happened to the writer actually happened?
What do you do?
I'm going to go slightly off topic today. Not because I have nothing
else to say about missing my son, or about my ongoing donor egg IVF
cycle. I have lots to say about that. But something has distracted me
and I can't get it off my mind.
I am starting to think that a blog I read occasionally may be a fabrication. I know, it's a horrible accusation to make. After all, I've had devastating things happen to me: things I've written about here in this very space. Unthinkable things like babies dying after a perfectly normal pregnancy. Tragic things like picking up the pieces and starting over after life deals you one of the worst hands it's got.
I know these things do happen and that people do talk about them. But somehow this particular blog is starting to seem unreal. So many different horrible things have happened to it's author. And everything happens so fast. Jumping from one tragedy to another, like a soap opera.There's hardly a break before the next big thing.
If you are reading this post then I can assure you that your blog is not the one I'm talking about. I am almost 100% sure that the person who writes the blog in question doesn't follow mine. I don't think I've ever commented on her blog and I know for sure she's never commented on mine. My blog is small potatoes compared to hers so I'm pretty sure I'm not on her radar.
I had originally started following her story when it was nothing like mine. She had different struggles than I do but I was attracted to her writing and I wanted a happy ending for her.Yet it seems that each time she reaches the end of one struggle, another one quickly takes it's place. Things that are unrelated to the previous issue she was battling.
I actually stopped following her story quite a while ago, after something she was writing about didn't sit well with me. At the time I felt she was a bit smug and presuming and my interest in her journey started to wane. But I still check in from time to time and it was recently that I read something that made me start to doubt it all.
So I think I won't "pop" over to see what's next for her. I think I'm done. It's a shame, especially if it all turns out to be true and she really has had THAT many terrible things happen in succession. If it's all really true then I suppose it's shame on me for not believing.
Has this ever happened to you? Do we take for granted that people who take the time to write and share their stories are telling the truth? Does it really matter?
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
Not a blog, but an online friend whose infertility and baby loss struggle just seems, um, too much? I don't know, but somehow I've started squirming when I read updates from her. :(
ReplyDeleteIt's horrible isn't it? You want to have compassion but at the same time something just doesn't sit right.
DeleteThere's one or two blogs I follow that I'm not 100% convinced are real. But I followed them knowing that. Here's the deal, I can't possibly share all of my story on my blog, it'd be boring, or actually probably less boring than what I write now, but I like to keep my delusions. My point is I can only offer a portion, and from my point of view, so it wouldn't necessary ring true with someone else standing next to me. I look at blogs as writing I either like, or don't like. I accept what the blogger is willing to offer knowing it could be partially true, or completely untrue, I have no way to know. But as long as I enjoy their words I'll stick around.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest as soon as I start thinking there's just too many dramas in someone's life for it to be real I think about the last 3 years of mine and wonder how many people could possibly believe I have that crap of luck. I write my sidebar and think; who could possibly believe all that has happened to one person? Then I remember so many people who have had worse happen and my heart breaks. *shrug* It's all relative I guess.
I have a real life friend that I seriously doubt is experiencing the illness and relationship drama she shares via FB and emails. When things seem to convienantly get better the doubts increase. At times I hope that it is all fabrication, but would feel awful if it really isn't.
ReplyDeleteI know that all I have been through, especially recently must seem impossible. If I wasn't living this horrible life of loss I wouldn't want to believe it is true either. I still wish it wasn't true because the reality really sucks.
I'm blogging a bit about this type of thing at the moment - the type you can walk away from. If they're not a "real" friend, and you're not even convinced it's real - why bother? Life's too short. If that person really is in trouble, there are probably other people who can help.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Amelia that sometimes I look at my own events and can't believe they have all happened to me. However, I also make it a focus to show gratitude for the good times and days. There is nothing that is completely bad. I recently had to unfollow a blog due to not necesarily feeling it was untrue but for her constant rumblings about how horrible everything is.
ReplyDeleteI find this interesting. I haven't had it happen to me but I have heard about it in blogland before. I'd say go with your gut feeling and if you don't get anything out of reading, no matter if it's true or not, let it go. That's usually my motto anyway.
ReplyDeleteGosh, that's quite a situation. If you don't follow her into real life, and if she doesn't follow your blog, then I guess you can just stop reading her blog and no harm done.
ReplyDeleteYes, I take it for granted that the blogs I follow are "true" (in inverted commas, because of course they are all re-tellings of events). I did once start following a blog which didn't ring true to me, and then I stopped following it. It lost its appeal when clouded over with doubt.
That's what scares me in this virtual world. It made me wonder if I should sahre my true self. But if someone is desperate enough to want to copy my life, then so be it. It's sad honestly. That's why I don't share as much as I could.
ReplyDeleteI haven't followed a blog that ended up being fake (yet) but there have been a couple of times when readers share posts and ask others to send their prayers and insights in order to help the fakers. I've gotten sucked into drama there. I feel so bad for them and then I feel like an ass when I realize it's a fake and I've wasted energy feeling feelings for the writers. I'm not the one who should feel like an ass.
ReplyDeleteThere was one last year where the writer admitted she was just bored so she started a pregnancy loss blog but it ended getting out of hand. I feel like it's a slap in the face to those of us who have been there. If you're bored start something else!
If you aren't getting much out of reading this person's blog, I wouldn't feel bad about not following anymore.
I think blogging is a tricky thing. I have previously been quite candid in my emotional problems on my blog, but I will openly admit that I don't share everything that is going in all of the time. Not to paint me in a favourable light, or to gain attention or sympathies but because I worry about that blurry line. There are loads of drafts, sure, but my story is about more than just me and my emotions, and sometimes well meaning advice when you are in a situation can sting just a little too much.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty I am struggling to fit in time to blog as it is without having to make up a life to blog about. It would be hard to keep up with all the lies and stories surely?
I've actually heard about this a few times over the years on infertility blogs. One was called out and it was shut down the next day...only to pop up again under a different site.
ReplyDeleteHow sad. Tragic really.
I always say follow your gut!
Such a tough situation...I think there is a hard balance between empathizing with people and going with your gut. I hope you find a resolution that brings peace to you.
ReplyDeletexoxo.