Am I failing her?
That's the question that's been in the back of my mind lately.
Am I failing Frostina? Am I a good mother? Am I doing it right?
The Hubby is constantly telling me what a great job I'm doing. Frostina is eating well, and sleeping well, and happy most of the time. And yet the feeling that I'm doing something wrong still plagues me.
Why am I worried?
She's almost 10 months old and still not crawling or pulling herself up. She can sit very well and loves to stand up when I pull her up. She can even balance herself for a few minutes while she is standing against the couch. But I have to put her in position first. She knows how to roll over yet she rarely does. Basically she stays in one position until she gets bored. Then she complains a bit until Mommy comes to the rescue.
She has hated tummy time from the beginning. It was only a month or so ago that she would tolerate it for any length of time. I've been trying to put her on her tummy a lot lately and it seems like when she's in the mood she can go for quite some time before she gets unhappy. She can rotate herself around in a circle and sometimes pushes herself backwards a little bit, but still no crawling.
Everywhere I go I see babies younger than her scooting, rolling, army crawling, bum shuffling (I love that expression), and full on crawling. I see them pulling themselves up and trying to couch surf. I watch Frostina get frustrated when she can't reach something she wants. I watch her sway from side to side on her belly, not being able to figure out why that doesn't propel her forward. Some days she's desperately unhappy because she's stuck in one spot. And yet still no crawling.
I have tried everything I can think of to help her along. I lay next to her and hold toys out of reach. I place my hands on her feet to encourage her to push against them. I have tried putting a towel under her belly and suspending her in the air so that her knees and arms touch (she hated this one by the way). I praise her when she pivots around, and yet still no crawling.
Lots of people tell me I'm lucky because once she starts moving I will never be able to sit down again. In my head I know that babies develop at their own pace. But deep inside I worry that it's something I've done. Have I let her spend too much time in the jumperoo? Have I been too nice by always rescuing her when she cries. Is this a sign that she's somehow developmentally delayed? If so then what on earth have I done wrong to cause it?
Ugh, this Mommy guilt is killing me.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
You are NOT failing her. Some babies never crawl, they go straight to walking. And 10 months is still very young, especially for girls who tend to walk later than boys. A lot of babies don't take their first steps until after their first birthday. She is sitting and happy to stand with your help and to me that sounds like she is developing perfectly.
ReplyDeleteOkay first of all...BREATHE!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter just stood for a couple of months, when I felt she was just about to bless me with her first step. And then she did it.
If she is okay developmentally, this may not be so serious.
Also, I have a friend who let me know that her daughter did not crawl. She just transitioned to shaky walking on her two legs.
And guess what, my daughter walks well, but when she wants to speed herself up, she will go down on her fours and crawl.
Talk to your pediatrician. That is it.
Good Luck!
Angus didn't crawl til 11 months. I felt like you, like I'd done something wrong. He then up and walked a week after he turned one. I can't even remember when Juliet started crawling, 7, maybe 8 months. Because I realised the next time around, it didn't matter. They all do it in their own time. You're doing a fabulous job, promise.
ReplyDeletexo
It looks like you've got the bases covered up above. You're doing a great job- she'll crawl when she crawls, and not to panic.
ReplyDeleteGrace is a L-A-Z-Y baby. It's hard not to compare her to babies who rolled at 2 weeks, crawled at 4 months old and were walking by 8. Honestly though, she rolled at about 5 months, and not consistently until she was about 9 months. She only just started to army crawl around 10 months, and is pulling herself up at about 10.5. No walking in sit, and she only four-legged crawls when she's on full carpeted bedrooms (and even then, for about 30 seconds before she drops to the floor and army crawls).
I was nervous she was delayed, that I was spoiling her, that she wouldn't develop properly. I asked her Paediatrician and she told me that anything was normal to crawl up until about 18 months. then they worry if they aren't crawling/walking. It seems like a long time to wait, so maybe mention it to your Paediatrician and see what she says.
I suspect (s)he'll tell you more tummy time, to place toys just out of her reach so she has to problem solve to get to them. To let her cry a little when she is frustrated and wants to move. And that she'll get there. When she gets there.
xox momma.
Frostina has the starts of crawling, all our babies went backwards first. And everytime they are ready for a new skill they got crabby. What a lucky girl to have a mama who loves her so much. Fussing is never what we want, but sometimes learning new things equals a little fuss time.
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath, it WILL be ok. It seems like a big deal now, but really, it isn't. One of my twins still wasn't crawling at 10 mos, he tried, but rocking was all he could manage. My other twin crawled for like two seconds before he was pulling himself up and cruising. If she is sitting up and moving around, she is halfway there. She just isn't that motivated to get moving. Some babies just aren't. If it seems like she has a laid back personality, it probably just is that she is happy where she is at. Eventually she won't be. You are already doing everything right, putting toys out of her reach etc, the rest is up to her. It will be ok.
ReplyDeleteLivia crawled 'early', right at 6 months and sometimes people ask me what I did to help her learn. The answer is NOTHiNG. I wish I could take credit for it but its just her natural growth. Every kid is going to learn at her own rate no matter what we do. It seems like frostina is just fine and that you are doing a great job!!
ReplyDeleteOur little girls are within 2 wks of age. C literally just started crawling 1 1/2 wks ago & pulling herself up a week ago! Do not stress. They all have a different time table. I play with her on the floor a lot. C hated tummy time too, but eventually go over it! Just wanted to reassure you!
ReplyDeleteMy nephew completely skipped crawling. Well, not really. He started crawling at 12 months. The day before he started walking. So, he crawled for about a day, and then started walking and that is about it. She will do things at her own pace. If you are super concerned, you can talk to her pediatrician. But really, every baby has their own timeline. And then one day they start moving and talking and you fondly sit around (for that moment that they let you sit) and think about those peaceful times when they stayed where you put them, and aside from some babble were relatively quiet. Because soon, she will be chasing you around the house going "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" and you will love every second of it, but a small part of you will really miss this peace.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't failing...although I know the feeling. My girls have a small speech delay and I beat myself up the same way. Our girls also didn't crawl until 10 months or more and didn't walk until 13 or 14 months. Frostina will get it when she decides to get it and when she does she will take off like a rocket. I think you are doing everything right just trying new things and letting her fuss and get frustrated. Keep the faith mommy...the days of moving (and more) are coming oh so soon.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter almost never rolled over (maybe a couple of times EVER). She like being on her back, or sitting up, but if I put her on her tummy, she'd just yell till I rescued her. I asked the doctor if it mattered, her not rolling, and he said not to worry: "she'll be doing something else instead". I found that a really helpful reply (he wasn't always so affirming, but that's another story...). We have these milestones that we like to see our babies achieve. We have a list of things they should be doing. But they have their own agendas! I used to wonder what it was that my daughter was doing, that other babies weren't, using that energy that she was saving by not rolling!
ReplyDeleteAsk your doctor/paediatrician next time you have an appointment, and otherwise, don't worry (easier said than done, I know).
I read somewhere that crawling is the least important milestone at this stage. You are giving her lots of love - that's all that matters. Some babies even go straight to walking without crawling. Nicky shifts around, and he can at last roll properly, but definitely not the four legged crawling yet.
ReplyDeleteMy 3.5 year old daughter didn't crawl until AFTER she walked. At over 12 months. She always stayed right where I put her. I considered myself blessed that I didn't have the worries her cousin's mom had with her VERY mobile son.
ReplyDeleteShe walks superbly now. Frostina will get to it when she's ready.
I don't think you have anything to worry about--I can echo what everyone else said about crawling not being a developmental milestone that doctors are ever concerned about. Also... was Frostina born a few weeks early? Calculating from her due date rather than her birth date might change things enough to make your relax a little bit. I suspect she's right on schedule. Zuzu just turned 9 months old and only just now is crawling, and it's not a proper four-limbed crawl, but more of a crazy scoot. She also has no teeth or hair! I know it's so hard not to compare, but it truly sounds like you have a healthy and happy baby (and, of course, talk to your doctor if you're really concerned).
ReplyDeleteDon't fret, mama...we can be so hard on ourselves sometimes! My boy didn't crawl until 11 months (and walked around 14 months). He was born 3 weeks early, so maybe that had something to do with it, but he's always hit those milestones in his own time. I remember worrying that he was a late bloomer. But now he'll be three in a few weeks, and he's a running, jumping little chatterbox with a memory like an elephant...and doing great! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'm right here with you - our little rainbow Ginny is facing down 10 months and not even on hands and knees rocking yet...yep, Mommy guilt flares up over this big-time some days. But really I think it's not that far outside the norm. Hugs to Frostina!
ReplyDeleteI'll just throw my experience into the mix too!
ReplyDeleteFirst, you're doing great!!!
Less important, A didn't crawl until sometime around 10 months and didn't really roll over much before then either (like a handful of times!). She didn't walk until almost 17 months, but the she pretty much went from crawling to always walking.
As everyone has said, every kiddo is different. You haven't done anything wrong! To th contrary, your love and concern demonstrates what a loving mama you are!
Of course you're not failing her. Can I be frank with you? You need to stop comparing her to other babies of similar age. Every child is different and every one will do different things. Some crawl, some don't. Some are potty trained at 12 months old, some at 3 years old. Never think you've failed her. If it's something you're genuinely worried about perhaps you need to speak to your health visitor or GP, but I reckon they'll say the same thing and I'm certainly no expert!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy these moments while she's still young.
CJ x
Like everyone else said. My son Samuel didn't crawl until he was almost a year old, and he's fine. I won't tell you when he did reach any other milestones, because I don't want you to compare them. ;) You're doing wonderfully, but yes, I get the guilt and concern.
ReplyDeleteMy son was walking at 9 months. I didn't push I just let him be himself. It's a spectrum. Now my rainbow didn't roll from her back to her tummy until 7 months old. How do I not compare those two??? I have to let them be themselves and if they are progressing than it doesn't matter so much matter the time frame. I can tell you at 7 months I told Harlow she'd better hurry up and roll over already haha. And she was already sitting and playing with toys ha. I understand the concern but just know she will get there. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI just googled this problem and found your blog! My 2nd child is 10 months, looks interested in moving but has no idea. I call her my little slug. She gets everything given to her so i think she probably doesn't need to move, but i do worry as my 1st child was walking at this age (early) but it is hard not compare kids. At 9 months i checked in with my Dr and she said crawling isn't a milestone so as long as she is sitting up then all is good, but still doesn't stop me from worrying. Good to hear some similar stories
ReplyDeleteI just googled this problem and found your blog! My 2nd child is 10 months, looks interested in moving but has no idea. I call her my little slug. She gets everything given to her so i think she probably doesn't need to move, but i do worry as my 1st child was walking at this age (early) but it is hard not compare kids. At 9 months i checked in with my Dr and she said crawling isn't a milestone so as long as she is sitting up then all is good, but still doesn't stop me from worrying. Good to hear some similar stories
ReplyDelete