Still here? OK here goes.
I am no longer breastfeeding Frostina. Yes I know she's only a month old (almost) and that I should try harder and longer and all that stuff. But it just didn't work for me, or for her, so I'm not doing it anymore.
I won't go into all the specifics of my failings but here's a brief summary of the issues.
- I have what the lactation consultants call "flat nipples." This was news to me but apparently The Hubby already knew this because it's what he first suggested when she wouldn't latch on. Since women don't go around comparing nipples I had no idea mine weren't as "perky" as the norm.
- As a result of said flat nipples, it's hard for Frostina to latch on. This resulted in crying and pushing away and lots of anger on her part about not being able to eat.
- It was also hard for Frostina to latch on because she was so small at birth. The doctors said that at 37 weeks she was considered full term, but at 5 lbs 6 oz she was just tiny and tiny babies sometimes have trouble latching on.
- As a result of no latching, my milk supply didn't even begin to come in until about day 6 or 7.
- I started doing a bunch of pumping to try and get the milk to come in which worked a bit but I still have a limited supply.
- This created a triple threat of issues. Small baby + crappy nipples + low milk supply = big issues with breastfeeding.
- We have been feeding her a combination of formula and whatever breast mild I could manage to pump into a bottle. She has no issues eating from bottles but definitely seems to prefer the breast milk. This gave me hope that eventually she would latch on and eat away.
- At the suggestion of the lactation consultant I started using breast shields.
- The breast shields worked like a charm,,,,,,, at first. We were breastfeeding! I was super happy to be rid of the pump and be feeding my baby as I had imagined I would be able to do.
- After about a week on the breast shields Frostina decided that she hated them and the whole breastfeeding thing. She started refusing the breast, with or without the shield. The result was a bunch of kicking and crying and pushing away. Not fun for either of us.
- So I finally threw in the towel and have figured out that my baby will be bottle fed. I'll still pump (ugh) so she can have the benefits of breast milk and supplement with formula since I can't seem to make enough of the stuff.
I feel like a failure... but at least she's happy which I suppose is the most important thing at the end of the day.
I had troubles breast feeding my first child for a variety of reasons. I felt so bad when I had to stop. 7 years on, she is happy and healthy. I think I became more relaxed once I knew she wasn't hungry, and that made me a better mother in other ways. It can be sooo disappointing when it doesn't go to plan, but try not to beat yourself up about it. Your not a failure. At her 21st she isn't going to blame all her issues on the fact that you didn't breast feed her.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a failure. Write that down, stick it to your fridge. Look at it many times a day and keep repeating it to yourself, you are not a failure.
ReplyDeleteSending you all my love. Frostina is so loved and that's the main thing.
xo
I stopped at 6 days. Do what works for you. It didn't work for me. I have 2 happy healthy formula fed kids.
ReplyDeleteYou are most definitely not a failure! For something that seems so "natural", breastfeeding is anything but. And pumping sucks (no pun intended). I completely admire you for every pumping session you attempt. Each little ounce is so worth it! And eho knows--erhaps she'll latch as she gets bigger! Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteAhhhh. One of the biggest secrets of mommy-hood. Breastfeeding is darn hard!! The same thing basically happened with my daughter, except she was 38 weeks, and I don't have the flat nipples. Personally, in our case, I think starting supplements too early had a lot to do with it. (which is why I refused to supplement with my son, and we had better success, but when he was around 6 months old and REALLY needed a supplement, we had the opposite problem, and he wouldn't take a bottle - ugh, you can never get it right.) I just wish the lactation consultant who originally suggested I supplement with my daughter would have recommended an SNS. I think the reason why it worked so much better with my son was because I had found all these online mom communities and was armed with a lot of info and support. But, yes, my daughter hated it. She would cry and arch, and scream, and refuse. It got to where it was interfering with our bonding instead of helping it. So I did what you did. And it was the right thing for us too. The stress melted away, and were able to start enjoying each other. Now, she is a healthy, happy, smart, beautiful four year old.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up! She is getting food, the most important thing.
ReplyDeleteYou're not a failure! You are a responsible mother who is making sure her child gets exactly what she needs to thrive. Bottles, breast, combo- whatever works. Here's to a happy, healthy, well fed baby!
ReplyDeletePlease, please, please do not feel bad. I beat myself up about not being able to breastfeed my daughter (especially as I had fed my son fine). You are doing the right thing. You need to be happy too and completely accept your decision.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not a failure. I also gave up on breastfeeding about a month in. I had one baby latching like a champ and one who couldn't get the hang of it and I wasn't willing to spend my life pumping and feeding and pumping again. I was never told that about baby size but that makes sense. And you worry enough about them putting on weight when they are small...why add more stress in my opinion. It's hard to give up but you know what is good for your sanity and your family. She will be just fine.
ReplyDeleteIn just a year or so, she'll be happy, healthy and roaming around like all the other kids at the playground and none will be categorized as breastfed or not. She'll still be intelligent and fun and wonderful and you'll still love her to pieces. :)
ReplyDeletePumping is the devil. I do feel for you on that one! What's more important than breastmilk is love. You'll never run out of the supply of that!
I agree wholeheartedly!
DeletePlease don't feel like a failure. As parents, we do our best, and that is enough. It truly is. As the previous commenter says, love is the essential element.
ReplyDeleteI have gone both ways with my children and they have all grown the exact same. Ironically my exclusively breast fed child was the sickest of all my children as an infant. We are strictly bottle feeding Layton and I actually enjoy it more because I am able to look directly into his eyes while I feed him...like everyone else has said LOVE is all that really matters
ReplyDeleteI have the utmost respect to anyone who routinely pumps. I'm fortunate in that breastfeeding came easily to my babies, but I've never managed to express more than an ounce or so. Utmost respect to you for doing your absolute best for Frostina.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Momma, you're doing the best you can and breastfeeding is SO much harder than any of us expect it to be! If it gives you any hope I had to pump exclusively for the first 3 1/2 mths of Ian's life (initially b/c of his NICU stay and then b/c he wouldn't bf) and then all of a sudden on day he latched on perfectly and we've been breastfeeding ever since (he just turned one a couple of weeks ago). My pump and I spent way too much time together initially but it was worth it to get to the point that he was ready.
ReplyDeleteAs the other comments mentioned, ultimately love is the most important need she has. Be gentle with yourself!
You aren't a failure. You are doing the thing that is right that will work for you and your baby.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood, thy name is guilt! You are doing a great job, Mama. You are taking care of your girl and loving her, no one call fault you.
ReplyDeleteDo NOT feel bad. At all. You have tried and you have a lot working against you. Just do what you think is best. If that's keeping on trying her on the breast, or if it's expressing and topping up with formula it's completely up to you!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many ways you can fail your child. Not breastfeeding isn't one of them.
I am also having breast feeding woes. It is so hard! I am using a shield: it is the only way I can get him to latch. I am also having supply problems so am drinking a special concoction and taking meds. Realistically I know I am going to be pumping alongside breatfeeding just to make sure he gets enough and I don't lose my supply. I'm not making any decisions yet, just taking it day by day.
ReplyDeleteSo don't feel alone, we are all struggling with this feeding thing.
I am so surprised at how hard Breastfeeding really is. It's still a struggle for us and I really expected it to be this lovely experience....not so much! I think it's just hard to let go when we have worked so hard to get where we are. Sounds like you are doing a great job :)
ReplyDeleteBREASTFEEDING IS HARD. I had no idea when I started it with #1 Son, but it was a battle from virtually the first day: tongue tie undiagnosed until he was more than a month old, low supply, anxiety and sleeplessness almost certainly lessening supply even more, etc. I did manage to nurse him until he was 2 1/2 (that's YEARS), but just between you and me, I look back and think we'd both have been better off, and I'd have ultimately enjoyed the first few months of his life more, if I'd been a little less attached to the idea of nursing. I know, it's easy for me to say this since it did work out in the long run--I hope you can take some solace from the viewpoints of those who are more distant from their breastfeeding experiences. All that really matters is that you arrive at your own optimum balance of baby getting fed, mama getting happy, and everyone enjoying each other!
ReplyDelete(And I will add that THIS experience doesn't need to dictate future ones. #2 Son was an easy nurser right from the start--never one bit of trouble, despite the fact that he was in the NICU for three weeks after he was born.)
I had the same problem and pumped for 10 weeks and supplemented with formula. At 10 weeks I decided I couldn't do it anymore and exclusively fed her formula. I felt SO guilty, but now (she is 6 months old) I feel silly for worrying about it so much! My baby is healthy and happy. I'm healthy and happy. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. Enjoy your time with your little miracle and don't sweat the small stuff!
ReplyDeleteLike Rebecca above, I pumped exclusively for 8 weeks before my little man figured out how to latch on. Now, at 15 months, he's still nursing. If you want to keep trying, it might still work! But it is also okay to stop -- I considered it every day of those 8 weeks. Baby needs a happy mama more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a failure!! Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I have a lot of troubles because of eczema (yes, eczema on my nipples >_<) I managed to get through it and breastfeed my daughter but the pain and suffering I went through, I don't know if I will breastfeed our second baby. We can only do what we can do!
ReplyDeleteOh I feel your pain, this happened exactly to me with my first, I think I hated the breast shields more than Honey! I am expecting next eek too, really praying number two baby finds it easier, and I do too. Love your blog, only just found it! xxxx
ReplyDeletehttp://honeysmummy.blogspot.co.uk
Not a failure, not even CLOSE to a failure.
ReplyDeleteYour child is alive. Is eating. Is growing.
You WIN at the infant feeding game. WINNER WINNER, give the lady a bubble bath!
She will be fine, however you choose to continue feeding her. For real. Do what's right for you and for her and let the guilt of it go.
Definitely not a failure - you're doing what you need to in order to feed your child!
ReplyDeleteI have friends who had similar issues, and many had luck with re-trying the breast once a week or so...as the baby gets bigger, she might just decide that she likes the boob after all. Worth a shot if it can get you away from the pump! If not, at least it's an option.
Feed your baby, bottom line, and you're doing that, so I'd call that a success. :)
Thanks so much for sharing! You are definitely not a failure, and it is so nice to have other moms share their experiences that show bottles are okay, too.
ReplyDeleteI'll just repeat what most of the comments have said about your post, you are not a failure! Not everyone has the right "equipment" to successfully breastfeed, you are not alone there and yet you are still pumping to give Frostina the benefits of your milk. Way to go!!! And for as long as you can keep doing that she will receive those benefits and then when you decide to stop you can say you have it your best shot and Frostina will be better off for your efforts. Good luck with pumping and thanks for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me sad to hear that you are so hard on yourself! You did a great job mama and you are most definitely not a failure! Sounds to me like you have gone above and beyond when others would have given up right away. Hoping the pumping goes well for you. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete