For many years this space has been my haven, my sanctuary, and my support system.
When I began I was broken,,,, completely. I was empty and was desperately reaching out for help. I needed to find people like me. People who had suffered unthinkable loss. I had to know I wasn't alone.
And I found it, and so much more.
I truly believe that blogging, and the connections I made here saved my sanity. It was the extra bit of therapy that I needed. I owe this space and all of you my life.
But lately I find I have nothing to say. Partly because with 2 little girls to take care of my brain is fried,,,, and partly because I feel like maybe I've said it all.
I never wanted to be a Mommy blogger.
Nothing against Mommy bloggers, but I just don't really want to write about potty training (good days and bad days) and starting solids with my little one (going very well).
Or do I??
As I see more and more of my people, the people who were blogging furiously when I was. When I see these blogs go inactive. When I look at my reader and see hardly any new posts, I start to wonder if it's time for me to say goodbye as well.
I don't really want to, but I don't have much to say right now.
I am torn, do I keep this up but just at a very sporadic pace??
Or do I accept that I have found My New Normal and go about my daily life without documenting it here?
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
I totally understand. I hardly write ever anymore, but it's not that I don't want to. For me, lack of energy and time, coupled with letting too much time pass so that I hardly know where to start, and the fear that my space is no longer safe, well, it makes it easier to NOT write. I find parenting to be much harder than I expected, and maybe it's because I'm "old" (40), bt it kicks my ass many days. My brain is FULL, though, and getting it out, using my blog as the outlet it once was, might actually help me. I dunno. Please know, though, that I am faithfully reading along, even when I can't comment. 💗
ReplyDeleteI read too. Even when I don't comment, I'm here. I haven't blogged in months. Regularly, not in over a year. I do plan to pick it up soon. But I too wonder about my space. But all things Amy said are true in my world too. And all the reasons I don't use my space as I once had, and thought I always would.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm here too xox
I have gone back and forth with this as well but keep my blog open for people who are looking for a place to come for whatever reasons- babyloss, uterine rupture, gestational carrier, and now adoption. I try to write about Liam and Evelynn but find all too often I have said it all too.
ReplyDeleteI don't read nor comment as much as I used to but I check in occasionally to see how everyone is doing. No answer as to what you should do but no that there are many that still do follow, even if it's only sporadically.
One of the great things about blogging is that you don't have to officially close down the blog. You can just keep it ticking over, with a post every now and again. Then it's there for you if you want to pick it up at a later date. I've seen lots of blogs I follow do that. I always get a kick out of seeing them come up, unexpectedly, in my reader. The post usually starts something like "I haven't posted for ages, but I'm still here...". Then I don't read anything from them again for months. But I like those blogs. It's like having not seen an old friend for ages, and then bumping into them in a shop. You don't have the time or opportunity for a long social conversation, but it's very nice just to see them and pass the time of day for a few minutes with them, before moving on.
ReplyDeleteI go through this all the time. I oscillate between mommy blogging and IF blogging. I don't post as much because I just don't have the mental energy and I hate posting daily happenings, but I love my space. I don't want to lose my group, my community. So I keep writing when I can, even though it's sporadically. This is what I can do right now and it has to be enough because I just can't abandon my blog. Plus, I miss the ladies I no longer hear from and wonder what they are doing. So I don't want to be someone who jumps ship after baby. It's a tough balance to still write things you can love.
ReplyDeleteI have been in the same headspace with my blog more than once. I have pondered walking away, stopping writing (or posting). But, I always come back to, 'why?'. There doesn't have to be a hard/fast rule. Writing, blogging, is fluid. Sometimes you have something to write about and sometimes you don.t
ReplyDeleteI love the exercise of writing. It keeps my brain alert. And, I cannot deny the catharsis, whether folks comment or not.
So, as I march toward 50, I've decided that writing is a habit and like any habit, needs to be cultivated, so I am going to publish a post once/wk, at least, and it feels good already.