#MicroblogMonday- It's Really Hard

It's all I ever wanted, but it's really hard.

I have two living children,,,, two living children.

Two Living Children

That's something that for a very long time I thought I would never be able to say.

But it's hard,,,,, really hard.

In my desperation and longing for children, I never imagined it would be this hard. I feel overwhelmed sometimes and then I feel guilty.

Because I wanted them so badly.
Because I love them so much.
Because I'm so very grateful to have them.
Because I miss the one who isn't here so very much.

My house is a mess. There are three days worth of dishes in the sink. I made us order take out last night so as not to add to the pile. I am behind on paying some hospital bills and a few others I'm sure. I keep forgetting to take my daily medicine.

I am incapable of getting the three of us anywhere on time.

I am happy, I am tired, I am grateful, and I am overwhelmed.


Right now, by some miracle they are both sleeping.

I'm pretty sure the baby has just pooped,,,, but I'm not going to wake her up to check. Because she's sleeping and I really need the break.

#Microblog Monday- Get Those Out Of Your Mouth

Olea is 2 months old now and starting to interact with her world. So I unpacked all the infant toys I had in the closet and carefully washed them in hot water and soap.

I wouldn't want her to touch any toys that were dirty or not sterile.

What I didn't count on is that Frostina was absolutely fascinated at seeing her old toys again. And by fascinated, I mean obsessed.

She couldn't wait until they dried. She kept going back into the bathroom asking if they were clean yet.

Finally they were. And I carefully laid them on Olea's play mat.

Seconds later I witnessed Frostina putting each of them in her mouth.

One by one, side by side, each toy, each angle, everything became covered in her slobber and her germs.

Ugh!

#Microblog Mondays- Making Friends

I am starting to make friends here in my new hometown.

Friends who didn't know me before my loss.
Friends who meet me and see a Mother of  two little girls.
Friends who don't know about my struggles with infertility.
Friends who want to spend time with me even after they know my story.

I know it will be a long time before I have the kind of network I had back in London, but it feels good to run into a familiar face every now and again.

It makes me feel a bit less lonely.

A Better New Normal

I'm still here. I know it's been a while since I've written anything here. But I'm still here.

Parenting two living children is overwhelming and I am still adjusting to My New Normal.

This new normal is so much better than the new normal I was adjusting to when I first started this blog. Back then, I was trying to process a tragic loss. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to manage life with two living  children. A struggle that all parents with more than one child deal with.

For once, I'm normal. Not just a BLM, but a normal Mom with normal Mom problems and issues. 

I love it, but it takes up all my time.

I want to share this new life with all of you, but I haven't been able to figure out how to find the time. When I do have the time I'm usually trying to clean up the mess that is my house these days or I'm trying to take a nap.

I promise to get better at updating soon.

Until then, just know that I am happy. My kids (love being able to say that in plural) are happy. And that life is good.

Very hectic and busy.... but good.