I had my 16 week check up last week and all is well with little Baby Olea. My doctor has a small portable ultrasound machine so even on non-scan appointments I get to see her. It's always nice to have a peek to see how she is doing. Especially since I have an anterior placenta this time around so I hardly ever feel her moving around.
Does anyone have experience with anterior placentas? Will I feel less movement the entire pregnancy? Or just in the beginning?
On the way home from the appointment I realised just how much I am still in denial about being pregnant. When I was pregnant with Frostina I could barely sleep the night before any doctors appointment because I was absolutely sure I was going to be told bad news. I would stress for days before each scan.
This time, not so much.
Denial is a funny thing I guess.
It's easy to be in denial at this point. I'm in the just showing/could be getting fatter phase of pregnancy. I'm still wearing lots of my pre-pregnancy baggy sweaters so most days if you didn't know you would be afraid to guess. It's only on days when I'm wearing my maternity tops that it's more obvious.
Not really being able to feel Olea yet contributes as well. As does the fact that I have Frostina to chase around and keep my mind occupied.
I do have a few reminders that snap me out of my denial. The no-booze thing for one, and then there's the list of foods I can't eat. At least I'm remembering about them.
Oh, and I'm obsessing about baby names. I'm hoping that once we decide on her name that this baby will feel more real.
Perhaps this denial is a defense mechanism. I was so incredibly fearful during my pregnancy with Frostina that maybe my brain can't do it again. So instead it pretends to "forget" I'm pregnant so that I won't be so terrified this time. Either that or I'm just too tired chasing Frostina around to obsess like I did last time.
It's quite a strange phenomenon though. Though if experience serves me well, I'm sure it's one that will pass soon and the panic and fear will set in. So maybe I need to enjoy it while it lasts.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
It has been a long time since I have read your blog (or any blogs), but congrats on your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteI find with each pregnancy I think about them less and less. I think it is because I am so busy and focused on the kids, that there really isn't the time to think about it.
As for the anterior placenta, I think it is different for everyone. I have had it twice. One time it took longer for me to be able to feel the baby, but afterwards I didn't notice any difference. Both times it took much longer to be able to feel them from the outside for my husband.
I don't think you're in denial (though I always hesitate to pronounce on other people's experience on a blog). I think it is very normal to be much less focused on a pregnancy when you have a toddler to chase after. Your brain really only has so much space in it, and a toddler fills up a lot of it.
ReplyDeleteI have an anterior placenta and at 38w3 I still don't feel consistent movement the way I did in my previous pregnancies. Even hooked up to monitors and the like, I can see there are movements, but I feel nothing. Sucks and makes it hard to gauge how things are going in there… But yeh, it's annoying.
ReplyDeleteThe great thing about being pregnant with a toddler at home is that I found this pregnancy went WAY faster than my rainbow pregnancy did… So busy chasing Gracie around that I don't have the time to focus on the pregnancy itself… It's a saving grace, to be sure. :)
I'm not nearly as far as you, but I'm totally in denial, too. I'm too afraid that something's going to go wrong again. As or an anterior placenta, I had one with Gus. I felt first movement at 17w3d. I think it was 3-4w later when Jon could begin feeling movement, too.
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