I finally heard back from my doctor's office and my ultrasound has been moved to next week. On the one hand this is good news because The Hubby really wants to be there, and I don't really want to go by myself. On the other hand this isn't good news because it means I have to wait another week to find out if everything is OK with our little baby-to-be.
As I mentioned before, I'm not as terrified this time around as I was when I was pregnant with Frostina. But once a BLM (that's Baby Loss Mom for those of you who are new to this blog) always a BLM. I think I could be pregnant 10 more times and still never feel completely safe and at ease. This delay is causing me to worry just a bit more.
I know logically that it doesn't matter if my scan is tomorrow or next week. I know that the date of scan won't influence if things are fine (or not fine) with baby-to-be. If things are going to go wrong, they will. My history tells me that they can go wrong when you least expect it. Things can go wrong even when you're not worried. So the worrying and wanting a scan every week won't change anything. And yet as I type this I am worried.
So for now I will wait and worry. Sigh.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
It sounds as if this could be a long week, but it will pass.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have to wait. Warm thoughts your way during the wait...
ReplyDeleteNext week? Oh, I'm so sorry :( I hope the time passes quickly. Though it doesn't make sense to worry, the heart needs the confirmations that everything is going well.
ReplyDeleteWaiting, waiting, always with the waiting which is the worst.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time; it's all you can do.
Very true. BLM's will always worry because we know what all could go wrong. Hang in there and keep busy!!
ReplyDeleteMissConception
Wishing you all the best. We're dealing with our own anxiety next week... this pregnancy business isn't pretty!
ReplyDeleteWonderful, wonderful news
ReplyDelete