My beautiful beloved little boy,
I can't believe it's been 3 years since we said hello and good bye to you. There are times when it feels like just yesterday. And there are times when it seems like a million years ago. Your daddy and I love you very much and we miss you like crazy.
I know it might not seem like it nowadays since we are so busy taking care of your little sister, but we haven't forgotten you.
You are still there... just pushed a little bit back in our minds. Not because we don't love you... but because it's not possible to focus enough on taking care of your sister while thinking of you constantly.
In the beginning it was easy to think of you night and day. But now that Frostina is here, we have to focus on her.
Please know that you are not being pushed aside. You are merely working your way into the patchwork of our lives. You have become part of the thread that holds this family together. We were not the same before you, and we will never be the same since we lost you. It is because of you that we are the strong, loving family we are today.
We appreciate everything so much more now that we know just how it feels to lose someone we loved so much. Even though we never got to know you, we love you and miss you everyday.
So while you may not be the first thing we think of when we wake up anymore. While you may not be the last person we think of before we fall asleep anymore. While we don't cry ourselves to sleep each night missing you anymore. Please know that you are still an essential part of our new family,,,, and an even more essential part of our new normal. Without you there would be no us. You will always be a very special and important part of our lives.
Oh, and I hope you don't mind that we let Frostina play with your birthday balloon for a few days before we released it. She just loved it so much and we figured you would be old enough now to want to share.
Love always,
Mommy and Daddy, and your little sister, Frostina.
Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you are an expat living far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal. I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.
Wishing you peace. Three is big to me. Too big. :/
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your boy.
ReplyDeleteSending my love xx
ReplyDelete<3 Happy birthday sweet boy. Make sure to send your momma, daddy and little sister lots of love.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Happy birthday, sweet angel.
ReplyDeleteLove to your family
ReplyDeleteSending love to you.
ReplyDeleteRemembering and loving your boy always
Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteWonderful.
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteI saved this to come back to after reading it on my iPhone and then realized I never got back to it. Remembering your boy, even though it's belated.
ReplyDeleteThree years old seems impossible. So did two... but three? :(
Damn my friends just lost their baby named Logan to cancer and he was three years old two. Tomorrow is his birthday. I was looking for a pic to post and came across this blog. So, horribly sad...sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteand they also let off a bunch of balloons at his funeral and do for celebrations and at times thinking of him too.
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