So I'm going through the shelves, throwing out old left overs and some surprisingly scary onions when I come across this.
|Amazing what you can find hiding on the top shelf.|
Just in case.
So my logical brain tells me that this too needs to be thrown away. After all, my FET worked and I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with Frosty. So why do I need this old bottle of fertility hormone taking up space in my small UK fridge?? Sigh, I do miss my ginormous US fridge, and washer, and tumble dryer,,,, but I digress.
I think I should point out that since losing my son almost 18 months ago, my logical brain hasn't been getting much action. I'm sure it's still there somewhere, but it's hardly heard from these days. When it does try and pop back in to offer it's two cents it gets quickly stomped all over by my emotions. This case was no exception.
Just as my logical brain was telling my hand to grab the Lupron and toss in in the bin my emotions screamed, "STOP!" Stop right now! You can't throw that away! You may be pregnant but you are far from all clear. Just because your baby is alive now doesn't mean he/she will be born that way. You need to keep that bottle... Just In Case.
Just in case things go wrong like last time and I have to start again. Just in case the universe will think I'm getting too smug and happy in this pregnancy and feel the need to smack me around again. Just in case by throwing away that bottle I somehow cause things to go wrong.
Just in case.
It's crazy, I know. My logical brain tells me that even if the worst happens again, that bottle will probably expire before I get to use it again. It tells me that simply keeping (or not keeping) a bottle in the fridge will have no influence on this pregnancy. It tells me that superstition is just plain silly. But my emotions smacked that logical brain of mine down again and would not allow my hand to throw that bottle away.
So there it sits. Just in case.
*This is my contribution to the Managing The Fear BLM Link Up that I started last week. As you can see, I'm not doing a great job managing my fear at the moment. I am so touched by the stories that have been shared by some pretty amazing women. If you haven't had a chance to read their stories, please click on the link above to read them. Also, there are still a few more days until the linky closes so you can still share your story if you'd like.